Beautifully imperfect

Goodbye rulebreaker, your time is up

2009-05-11T16:23:00.003+01:00

Say good bye to this blog people, this blog will be deleted for good on 1st June 09. Get your laptop/computer to bookmark my new blog address:

Please click the carnival link below & do not forget to jot down the blog address or boomkmark it.

The Carnival

Sorry peeps, it has to be done once in a while

There is nothing more to keep here, it is always good to have a fresher and a better start :)

Also, there is no point sending all the e-mail to my MSN email add, I will definitely not going to reply or even check my inbox. Please ask for my new googlemail address too, coz I am sick and tired will all the spams and junks I have signed up for. Till then people, my audiences -- see you in the next show! :)

Striping for new look

2009-05-11T01:03:00.002+01:00

++++++++++
++++++++++
++++++++++
++++++++++
+++++++++++++++++++
+++++++++++++
+++++++++
+++++
++
+
++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++
+++++++++++
++++++++
++++++
++
+
This blog is officially under renovation and will be stripped for good, for the new looks

Important notice to Datin: I will not be updating anything here, so beep me on MSN if necessary all right. My exams are on 18th, 20th and 28th May and my last exam will be on 1st June 09.

Good luck everybody, and hope you all will pass with good grades and no resits!

Much love,
Bebs Eda MJ

Freakshow and all the punks like

2009-05-09T13:43:00.004+01:00

If House of Golden Lotus coming to Newcastle again -- I am so going! It worth every pennies I spent!!!! They were a lot of cool and hot people there. Their costumes are so awesome! Here are some of the pictures of me and my friends (also the performers!)

Me and Erin at the Garden (our house)

Erin // Dex // Me At Reds Bar!

Dex // me // Performers freakshow

& Rich, I hope you are going to have a nice flight to Belgium and have a safe journey! :)

Much love,
Bebs
I am so considering to change my name to Daniel now, damn Bat for lashes -- the song is haunting me :)

Nightmares

2009-05-08T12:52:00.004+01:00

At last a good night sleep. Was worrying about the sudden cold I got yesterday, stupid swine flu phenomena! Really it got me when I got the cold last night. Somehow it was just my allergies to pollen. It was really windyyesterday, bet there are pollen here and there. It is windy again today, perhaps walking to uni not that a good idea, but i'll do it anyways! :)

Life has never been better for me, although there are so many things that changed around me. I cannot do anything about it, but whatever it is, all of it are good memories. They always make smile and giggle sometimes. Hard not to think about the past, we forgive but never forget! :)

I have not post anything for a while now. Think it is a good time to just upload some pictures to make sure my sisters know that I am all right. Doing good. Not stressing about the exams yet, I don't know why not. Overconfident is never good... Well am sure I am going to do just fine this exam...

God, I got so much to do, wish time can just slow down, better yet stopped! How I wish! :( I am really in love with Bat for lashes song called Daniel. Been playing it all night long on repeat... Makes me calm down and smile, staring at the ceiling remembering how awesome my life was. Now that I get older, there are so many responsibilities on my shoulder. No wonder some people prefer to just stay 18 or even 6 years old again. :) *thinking and wondering*

Dexie and I being stupid! At Claire's -- bought nothing but had a really good day with him. Awesome! PS: that was a hair extension, not his real hair though lol

The New Boyfriend Collection
Nokia E71 - dark silver

Not a big Nokia phone myself but trust me their design beat Blackberry Bold/ Curve design. They look alike just better. However blackberry interface is wayy batter! lol, Nokia's Keypad is better not shitty like the blackberry. Many reviews I have read for both phones. Of course Nokia E71won many of the phone freaks like me! LOL I don't like it really coz its nokia and the interface is shit. Fortunetely I love it so much coz it has buttons and sleek design! I feel complete for now, trust me, Iwill get bored with it sooner and maybe you all will see another new boyfriend of mine! Wohhhoooo~ I am happy with all of my phones now, regardless I am gonna be broke for the rest of my poor student life,I starve for fashion! lol

Enoug for today -- Really need to shower and start walking to the uni (Yes, I cannot even afford to buy my bus tickets now! what the FCUK!!!!)

Quick update

2009-05-04T11:36:00.001+01:00

Hey Datin -- if you are reading this... I need bmobile top up! I totally forgot it expires long time ago and hence my number might be suspended for good! hehe. Message my UK number if you dah belikan top up! Also I will be really busy so Insya Allah I call or text or chat sama kamu nanti. Inda ku kan update blog ani until ada masa ku ... Last minute bah semua aku ani :P Take care and I miss you all so much. Seriously, my days have been miserable without you all, especially my little angels (Iman, Bazil and Mirul). Send my kisses and love to them okay? Thanks. xoxo

Sunday

2009-04-26T16:43:00.002+01:00

Woke up early again -- shit! I should sleep longer on weekends. What the fuck is wrong with my sleeping times :( Though, had a very good times with the Bruneians yesterday. Was Amie's 24th? Birthday... The lamb was not that great, tastes a bit weird. Thank you to Maggie chili Sauce and Chicken Gravy, tastes much better. :)

Sunday (today) -- Met Dariusz to just catch up with each other. Got cute present from him, tiny coffee cups!!! pop art thing, I love it! Pop Art is really awesome.

I really neeeeeeedddddddd to chill out for a bit now... Going to nap & hopefully I feel much better... :( Why do I feel so empty now? :( Whatev~ lol

Speak soon y'all x

outdated and expired

2009-04-25T00:54:00.002+01:00

bored while waiting for my laptop scanning for malwares. Don't think I'll sleep at all today, tired... but these assignments need to be done right now. Services marketing preparations are looking good. though lots of reading & notes jotting! fun :)

stalling my time really, just so to let you all beloved readers know... I won't be posting till am finallu over with these shit loads of work :( in case you have not hear from me for a long time, m fine, just busy! call me if you like & maybe y'all miss me too much. got to go!

love, bebs

Goodbye April

2009-04-22T08:38:00.002+01:00

Sorry for not posting so much nowadsays. I will updatete soon & there will be pictures of my visit to Manchester and Cornwall. I am not officilally buried with assignments. One done 3 more to go, then there will be revisions for me to do too. Not to worry everybody, I am still alive, breathing and all right Alhamdulillah! Speak to you all soon. There's a picture for you to see that I am okay & happy hehe

Love,
Bebs x

Ice Creams

2009-04-11T23:23:00.002+01:00

Right now I am thinking of Ben and Jerry Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavored Ice Cream. I could have bought some before I got home. Darn it. All right, I should really pack my stuff for tomorrow's flight/trip. Still worrying about the bus service on Sunday. It does says 5am in the morning. Not sure if it ever happens? In Newcastle that is something impossible, why? I don't know!!! :S Never fly with this airplane, so hopefully I will be safe arriving to the destination ;)

Sun was out today... Also been a weird day for both Zati & I -- somehow many people are so mad with each other. There is no sense of human in their voice! God~ This is madness! As if people does not have their own problems... Duh!!!~ Went to Trafford Centre and got nothing. LOL It was huge and I really dislike big spaces. Makes me feel ill~ Hate that feelings... :[

Pictures? Will upload some pictures of me (the fat and ugly me) soon, once I got the chance to sit comfortably on my bed again with my perfectly located items. hehe.

Before I go and start packing (ah cannot help being so random now and then... sigh)

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TO MY ONE AND ONLY BELOVED BEST FRIEND, "ENEMY" AND YOUNGEST SISTER:

"May all your prayers come true, bless every day, happy every day, be positive and keep on believing your dreams. It might not be the greatest day of your life, not even tomorrow maybe. But there is always, always one day of your life where people are so grateful that you are here and is part of us. That is the day when you were born. We have so much differences that we argue 24/7! These arguments have made us closer!!! Love you!"

Manchester, Bebs and Zati

2009-04-09T10:01:00.002+01:00

Whooopppiiiiidooooo~ Am in Manchester, though I decided not to do anything yesterday, just glad that I am not all by myself! Somehow I already miss Newcastle a lot! It is different here in Manchester, the environment, the people. Weird. Not sure if I like it or hate it! How many exclamation marks I got there? haha

Finally, my promises to Zati has been done :) And Zat if you are reading this, there is no excuse not to go up to Newcastle, where all the fun is! hehe. I promise you will love it more than you could possibly expect! Do stay longer, coz there are many places I want to show you :p

Today will be at least doing something, however I just prefer to stay in watch TV and gossips or just being lazy here. The weather here is not as sunny as in Newcastle, a bit depressing, though could not care less. hehe. Okay, today's plan University, Old Trafford, Window shopping, Wasabi Sushi, Movies... Pictures? When I get to take some, it'll be here ;)

Got to go to feed myself and get ready for the actions!

PS: Datin, no he does not text me or anything. Fingers cross there is something for me to spend for me holiday. You bila sponsoring aku? lol It is okay you cuti August, I will stay at Aming's whole July then pastu ganti2 arah you and Lina. Do not fight over me! hehe. Okay sounds fair to you? Love and miss you. Send my regards to your Krol~

Bored

2009-04-05T12:01:00.002+01:00

3 more days I will not be in Newcastle till Uni re-opens! Woop woop! Will pack everything later -- very excited to see my friends~ :)

My room is cleaner, smells nicer too~ Unbelieveable! I actually managed to keep it tidy still this morning~ Though, there are so many dishes to be washed later. Thinking of finishing some assignments today :) So I do not rush anything when Uni starts. I could have done it earlier, unfortunately I am just being lazy and busy with unimportant things lol

15th April 2009

coming

so sooooonnnn~

& I will not get my BLUE DSC-T2 Sony Camera :(

Never mind that, I just hope my vacation/ visits will be worth it & fun :)

Might go back to sleep now & start with the dishes later on~ I have all night to do all the cleaning~ Bleagh~

Bebs

APRIL'S FOOL

2009-04-01T10:34:00.003+01:00

& bear in mind that what you are about to read is not a joke! *lol*

April is here and I am so happy, at the same time sad too. In two weeks time, it is my birthday and I'll be 22 this April 09. Sadly someone has left us for good and share the same birthday with me. So please may I ask you a moment of silence and for the Muslims please give Al-Fatihah to my twin. And please keep on praying for his soul to be in peace and very close to god. Amin~

Okay you all and that includes everyone in Brunei! Mj's Family I am sure I will not get my CAMERA!!!!!! Still I want it, really want it. Desperately want it. I will marry with this Sony DSC-T2 Camera (the green or the blue one)! See how I wish I am back home so I can ask whatever I want for my birthday. Surely I'll get them. Since I am going to travel this month -- donate me 10 pound! every each of you! lol Datin bah bah donate some money to me! Abg Jame, Abg Raman, Lina, Mum and Bapa -- you all~ Send me the money! You do not want to see sad face this year! lol Seriously I am tired and upset celebrating my birthday all by myself, wish you all are here! So do not get me anything, just send the cash! haha, so I can spend it on something I really want~ :p

Tonight is going to be fun too~ Yay! Dinner, Movie then night out~ And after tonight I'll be back to reality, where no revision has been done for almost 2 weeks plus since Easter vacation started! Great~ Yet again, today is just another special day for me! Am very looking forward! should be fun! Wohhhhoooooooo~ And tomorrow perhaps another night out. YAY! Good month for me at last~

This is for the familyback home:my webcam is pretty much shitty, it is either look very ghostly or old or even FAT. haha! This was taken last night before dinner!

I am sure all of you back in Seria/Bandar miss my loud laugh, stupid looks/expressions, being hyper after drinking too much coke or coffee and cookies, nagging me, jogging with me, hanging out, shopping, late night movie, talkativeness. I will be back in 3 months now, so be prepared. Coz I am not coming back for nothing.

To dad: Please cook me your speciality, lamb chop!
To mom: Egg soup, Mussels, vieniese cookies, chicken rice
To Aming: Kaizen~Bubble Tea! Yum yum!
To Datin (and abg Jame) and Khairul Datin: Lamb Satay, London's Kebab, Dim Sum, Lamb Shawerma
To Lina and family: Lina's Nesacafe Tarik, your yum yum kebab, pizza, sup tulang

Bebs, spoiled brat is coming back and she costs you a lot~ haha~ SAVE up YOU PEOPLE!

Happy Bebs (^_^)

30th March 2009

2009-03-30T09:20:00.002+01:00

Woooopiiiiidoooooo~ April is here soon! Unfortunately for the past few weeks I had done nothing but staying in bed. Though, I did clean the kitchen at least yesterday! Wayyy~~~~ I have been youtube-ing all day long. Right now, feel a bit lonely, somehow I think I am used to it. I stay in touch with everybody virtually online. Haha.

Oh well -- It was good to talk to MJ's family again. Everyone is doing great! Can't wait to come home this summer. I think this will be another surprise to them. Though I did tell them I am coming back in July, still they no freaking idea when. Okay...... That remind me to actually fill in the form and post it back to Brunei Hall. Can't we do this online? Please make use of technology! I think it is easier and save more time & money! :) Whatever...

The weather today does not look that good! :( If it does later on, this legs are ready to RUN! My hands are ready to clean more dishes and floor. The brain is ready to be squeezed! LOL Honest!

I better watch Happy Tree Friends noq -- they are awesome!!!!!!

Much much love: BMJ

Thursday is here

2009-03-26T14:07:00.004Z

Anita, Sveikinu su gimtadieniu!
Thank you for being such a good friend
You are such a great person
You are always be my teddy bear
In few years time, I will pay half of your ticket flying to Brunei!
Deal?
Have an exploding blasting birthday Teddy Bear.
As myliu tave
Bebs & Rich

Been a crazy week for me. Nothing academic has been done, and my weekend is coming to end. Perhaps on Saturday or Sunday things will be looking better for me. There is just some pictures of Anita and me, having a good time at the Tynemouth. Coming back there just remind me all the memories I had there. Good stuff! :) Yesterday we went to Glasgow with Anita's boyfriend, the bf's friend Irfan. It was really tiring sitting at the back of the car, long drive and not used to sit at the back. Feel a bit sick but was okay. :) Of course today is a big day for someone, and I am looking forward to it. Sounds like it is my birthday or something. My birthday? I really hope it will be good! An advance mini celebration with some friends will eventually happen next month. Wayyyy~ Another event to look forward to!

First things first -- I have got so much to revise before leaving Newcastle, assignments -- speechless. LOL Okay this is not a laughing matter I know, but I will get my ass working in the library sooner or later. Wake up in the morning and go home late! (Fingers cross for me to actually do these crazy shite!)

For the past few days -- I have been whoring Gordon Ramsay -- Kitchen Nightmare's he is 40+ In everybody's opinion, HE is SMOKING hot! I love his attitude and somehow make me realized few things that relates to my upside down life. What's life without DRAMA right? :) We as a human should stay away from this DRAMA! seriously it is damaging. inevitable - i know! My night sleep has never been better but dreaming of Gordon! lol.

Few hours ago -- I successfully removed all the cups and glassess from my room. Washed them! Now I got more mugs/cups/glassess to use for drinking! Ace! (looking around the kitchen) damn got so many plates to clean and expired food to throw out. Ahhh... Wish Erin is here, at least I will not get too bored home alone. Or even better if I have the money to fly home! Greeaattt~ Homesick again! hehe.

Will post some pictures from Glasgow -- I will look pretty much knackered there though. Thanks Anita for inviting me yesterday -- was awesome! Boys will be boys darling -- don't worry! Love ya!

Off to Morissons! :)

confused.com

2009-03-24T09:30:00.002Z

Had a good day yesterday. Erin just left the house this morning. So now I am so feeling very lonely, close to depression. Most of my friends are travelling, back to their hometown and me, I belong here on my bed! :)

Anita and I supposedly having a picnic but unfortunately the weather is not that grand today! Lets just hope the weather is getting better later.

Here is something stupid I would share. I can feel inside of my nose is swollen, coz I ate too much of seafood yesterday! GREAT. Everytime I breathe it is painful~ lol OK no it isn't funny at all. Ermmm... I don't know what to do today really, might go back to sleep and hoping when I wake up -- weather will be sunny and not windy.

-.- I am going to bed now. Dreaming of Gordon Ramsay -- ahhh pleasent dream!

Laters

Ignorance is a bliss

2009-03-23T09:19:00.003Z

Dear you,
I would like to share you how I feel today
You have left me for one reason that I disagreed
But I respect your decisions
Always put others first before myself
That's how I was taught
Make someone's day brighther
So I will feel the same
However, I do not need to feel more miserable than I am
Obviously you make me look very less important
Before and after you leave me
Friends? Close friends? Are we?
I have done so much and it is all from the bottom of my heart
In return I do not ask so much from you
But stop pushing me away from your everyday life, if we really are friends
Otherwise you can tell me the whole truth what you think of me personally
I do not need another miserable day of my life
Make it simpler now, coz I already move on
You are always that someone special in my memory
Though not sure where I stood in your life before
Somehow now... you wish us to be "good mates" -- we are now
Unfortunately, I do not feel like I am one of your good mates
I had enough of black clouds in my head
I am not complicated, a conversation will do
You know me, I do not say so much
Never complained to much either
It does not mean I have no "feelings"
I can still feel pain when you pinch or kick me
Please... do not make me feel so miserable with the thoughts of good mates & been ignored

I am SO BORED -- HELP

2009-03-20T20:38:00.002Z

Write the first thing that comes to your mind when you encounter each of these words, including the title.

1. Beer: Corona Extra

2. Food: Lamb Chop

3. Relationships: Pure love

4. Your CRUSH: Ongoing....

5. Power Rangers: Trini (the yellow one!) Coz I hate yellow! LOL

6. Life: is fucked

7. The President: Bush

8. Yummy: food

9. Cars: Cayenne

10. Movie: Confessions of a shopaholic

11. Halloween: Witch

12. Sex: Kinky

13. Religion: Complicated

14. Hate: Liars

15. Fear: Microwave

16. Marriage: Frightening, how many faithful husband/wife out there left?

17. Blondes: MUAHAHAHAHA -- BLUNT lol

18. Slippers: Primark

19. Shoes: Killer heels

20. Asians: Me!

21. Past: Shit!

22. One night stand: Regrets

23. My cell Phone: Omnia, Sony Ericsson

24. Smoke: Kills

25. Fantasy: Beautifool

26. College: Memories

27. High school Life: Urgh!

28. Pajamas: Got none

29. Stars: Sparkling

30. Center: of attention (me)

31. Alcohol: Don't get wasted too much

32. The word love: is overrated

33. Friends: hard to find

34. Money: need more

35. Heartache: Painful

36. Time: is short

37. Divorce: sucks

38. Dogs: Sausage Dogs

39. Undies: Lick me

40. Parents: Awesome and can be pain in the ass too

41. Babies: Nightmares

42. Ex: BF

43. Song: Darling!

44. Colour: Purple!

45. Weddings: Scary

46. Pizza: Honey Garlic Chicken

47. Hangout: Starbucks

48. Rest: Sleeping all day long

49. Goal: Score

50. Inspiration: how appalling life can be but at the same time, it has made me laugh, smile and miserably happy :)

Bored! I am bored! Anyone please entertain me & do not leave me all by myself here! LOL x

Rocky Road

2009-03-16T14:04:00.002Z

Another break down for me
Feeling so miserable
Wonder why it has to end like this?
All the things you worried about has not yet come to you
I don't know
I am not sure where to start and end?
I am so confused
Perhaps time will tell & heal?
To be honest with you, it is not an "easy come and easy go" thing for me
We are cool, we will always be
Though not sure if we both can keep up
The answer is not sure
Not until all these confusions cleared up
Not until we both have clear minds, coz I don't have it yet
Somehow, deep inside of me
I can feel something unspeakable
Till then, you are always that special friend to me
Who cheer up my days when it is ridiculously awful
Who hold my hands when I will fall
Who brighten up my days when it is dark
Who is so generous with hugs
This lists can go on and on
But that will remind me of us
Like I said, for now... time is our only hope
Our only answers
Still I am looking forward for another "exciting" adventure with you
Hope you are doing well with everything you do
Remember I always love and care about you
Where ever you go, I will always be right beside you

"Kanakuwi Sayang?" -- LOL

Much love,
A girl who is dark but not black :p

Good day

2009-03-14T10:03:00.002Z

Well not really -- been through so much for the past few months since December. It is awful to be me. Though, I am stronger than before, I learn a lot, maybe I value more than I did before. My life will somehow never will be the same again -- hope is almost gone for good. Very windy today... I think that's how I feel right now. Windy, not sure what's right and what's wrong. I am going to proceed with my "sacrificed" dreams sooner. Enough of sad stories about me. Let's be happy coz life is short. Who knows one day I wake up, I see myself :)

I will upload some pictures here when I get my head straight... Today is Saturday, not sure what Richard and I will do, I am sure we will definitely have dinner at home. LOL. Very special. Somehow Melanie C's song "Never be the same again" is on loop in my head. Great! :D

Life is so fucking great now! It gets more interesting -- it is like standing at the edge of cliff, you almost fall but you didn't. I am looking forward for another chapter of my life next month. I bet more "good" news for me. Regardless all the shits I had been through for the past few years of my life -- I am still standing, made some mistakes in life decisions, that does not change a thing about me, I am still me. You will see more of me, shining or fading or disappearing. Who knows eh?

Much love,
A girl who has the courage to smile again :)

What's new?

2009-03-11T20:37:00.002Z

A very quiet night for me today -- though I had my own personal time. Cleaning, cooking and found my calculator. Will do my CBA exam tomorrow than... Darn, Anita cannot stop saying "I got 100% for my CBA!" Sorry Anita, it was a bit annoying... LOL

I dyed my hair few days ago... more like last week :) Somehow the dark brown colour is fading slowly. I really hate golden brown colour I had before. Somehow, the colour is fading to THE golden brown now. Great... Back for summer this year -- I will go to salon and properly get my hair done! Massages and such.

Easter vacation is just around the corner. Though, I will again be lonely at home. Erin is going back home with the family. Wish I can do the same too. I have not been revising but busy partying or going out or being lazy :( I already promise myself after this week -- I will have my intensive revision if I want to have an easy vacation this April :)

I think I am getting fat especially arah my tummy. Urgh! I will start excercising next week too. God my life is full of boredom. Haha... I might be off to bed soon after cleaning and all. I do not expect anybody would care to ring me (Oh just in time Richard called me!!!!) Woot woot... Okay that made me smile...

Guess back cleaning my room then, God my bloody room is bloody HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much love,
Bebs x

Far not too long

2009-03-09T19:07:00.003Z

Hello again readers,
How's your day? Hope everything is all fine and great. My day ain't that bad,the weather is sunny but windy. Hair was a mess... Again, another impressive achievements -- I attended all lectures today. Not sure why, guess I am too bored to know what I can do for skipping lectures. Sigh.

Napped for couple of hours -- therefore as a result, my plans are flushed down to the toilet. Room is still messy! Cleaned the shower room, did my laundry, going to start with Economics revision. Today is nothing special really. Nothing to share either. Except, knowing (again) someone is battling with her life with breast cancer. I pray for you every day, so you can be well again. You are such a good person, your smiley faces makes my day brighter and your laugh made me smile :) Miracle may happen for you my friend. Love you!

My "life" has been all right. Passed everything for now. Most likely going back this summer, oh sun how I miss you so! The beach... the food... the drinks... driving... I cannot believe I left all of these behind for... what? A degree, a piece of paper with some printed words on it. They call it a ticket to success, I call it "pointless". Some merits are not measure with a piece of paper. Why some people do not understand this? Odd. Humans are brainwashed with so many things and I am no exception. LOL. However, soon I am done with these crappp... I AM FREE. Though I will miss Newcastle and the people I met here. This suck! Wonder how Richard or other people can do all of this? I don't think I can leave the people around me or the life I have here or back in Brunei. I know it is temporary but it hurts like hell for me. Maybe I am too spoiled.

Anyways -- wasted so much time now. Better get going with my revision. As I am going to have my vacation soon!!!! Woot Woot.

Much love,
Bebs Eda x

Day 5

2009-03-06T22:16:00.002Z

Reporting to everybody:
I did not miss any lectures for this WEEK! Very impressive. Though need to start revising now. Trust me, I will do this crazy thing. Somehow, I am so starving now. But it is like 1am right now. Room is messy... Got no sound plan for today BUT MUST revise at least 2 modules today. It is a MUST! Alhamdulillah so far I passed everything with a very bad marks (Please revise before you go for your exam!)

Human Resource Management 54% (A result when you only revised a night before the examination)
Career Development 52% (A result when you should be prepared with answers a week before interview & put your alarm on, lucky I woke up on time! Thank you god :) )
Marketing Environments 61% (Nothing much to say about this one, it is quite easy)
Consumer Behaviour 43% (This is the shittiest one ever but oh well, I passed! :) )

(these marks are still provisional until June 09, that's what they said though it is more likely I still get the same marks. Also, these marks are for modules carrying 100% marks in total, I am done with these modules. )

May exam will be Statistics (60%), Managerial Economics (80%), Services Marketing (100%), Research Methods (60%?) and assignment based: Marketing communications (100%)

Good luck to me and I will definitely see you all back in Brunei this July. No confirmed dates yet but that's what most likely is going to happen anyways :)

More soon *damn, I am starving!* x

Blogging!!!!!!

2009-03-04T15:05:00.002Z

I know this is like the 3rd posts of the day, I CANNOT HELP IT.

I have to admit that I sort of cried again for Confessions of a shopaholic -- not because of the love story, but the morals, importance of family and friends. They are always with you in times of need and happiness. :)

Also, my day is brighter though Newcastle is so chilly right now, windy. Hearing his voice on the phone :) makes me smile, happy, warm -- ALIVE. I realise I don't need to be hours on the phone with him -- it would be nice to have a longer conversation. However a simple hello from him is more than enough for me. Imagining you are here with me this weekend. Not to worry I won't be sad (^_^) I will meet at Nan and perhaps sleep over at her place. Or go to the park to visit my lovely goat (not mine legally, but they are lovely and cute!)

Cannot believe it is already March! Panicking! I have not been revising or any sort. Soon is April and I am 22! I cannot wait to turn 25! Not sure why -- just want to look a bit more "adult". I am happy to look 16 right now, I am just jealous to see all these girls wearing adult looking shirt/dresses.

Random alert: Everytime I lay down on my bed. There is one thing I love to imagine. The sun shines to my face, sitting on the sandy beach looking at the sun sets. When I turn my head, I will see my youngest brother doing the stupid dance, or making boobies or willies with the sand for laugh, getting wet with the salty sea water, or we both just sit there quietly and laugh at each other coz we remember something. Such a click!

When I sit around the corner of my room -- it reminds me of my youngest sister forcing me to work my ass off to revise. Or her sleeping marathon. We arguing on stupid things, or we just talk some shit, cry together, laugh...

When I see restaurants -- all I can see is my two eldest sisters. They love food, they love quality time with me. I like to make them laugh and smile. I also miss their smiles. I cannot recall when is the last time I see you both smiling at me. Rindu kamu semua sangat.

Football -- My brother in laws! They are freak! LOL -- but I am blessed to have such an awesome brother in law. Bless you both.

My three little angels... These little angels of mine. The one who knows all the misery just by looking into my eyes. These angels, give me hugs and kisses when I need it the most. Missing all the silly fights for me, miss hearing them saying "babu. kami sayang babu..." "babu sedih?" "babu takut kah?" Oh angels -- I got so much to be frightened of but your smiles -- cure every single pain in this tortured soul of mine.

- nothing compares to you -

Blogger acts weird

2009-03-04T09:47:00.004Z

I am in the cluster right now. Oh my God, believe me that I woke up early again today. I managed for the 3rd day. Wow, how impressive. :D

Watching Confessions of shopaholic with Anita -- this will be the second time watching it. Though I am so tempted to watch Pink Panther 2! Somehow, sequeal can be so predictable and over the top. Day 3 -- surviving I guess.

Got nothing much to share today. Will do the next time. Oh wait there is something I would like to share now... Tomorrow is KARAOKE night at Habita and I am so going! haha... Maybe this will be a regular thing for me... Though it feels odd, there is something missing there. You know I always expect someone to walk in from that door and will say "hey babe, you all right!", that person will stay for a while just to be with me. I am missing that now... it feels weird but it is ok. gotta move on :)

OK better go now! love you lots x

WTH?

2009-03-04T09:47:00.001Z

Where the heck all of my posts gone to???????

Day 2

2009-03-02T22:49:00.000Z

I survived.

You know what? Some people say I am way too nice with people that I really love most. Although, they treat me badly or unfairly -- I still treat them well. (Unless that person hurt my feelings and disrespect with my decisions, I could not care less with these sort of people.) Do you know why? I just thought, if I do more good things, or make people around me happier, it might come back to me. Well so far I have done so much and I did not even bitch about not getting any back in return. Just that, there is something I would like to have and own right now though... to be loved, cared for and feel important. I have been looking and searching for this for so long. No, I have not got this yet. Because of this, I am always reconsidering to just give up my life for not having it yet. Maybe I should be more nastier, or meaner. I don't know really. If there is one person in this one whole world can make me feel whole again -- please come forward. This soul of mine is craving for attention, love, emotions, understanding, full of life, adventure -- I don't care if you are near or far. Nothing will stop us from uniting together. I do anything for this. Although, I can only feel these special feelings for 30 minutes of my life, it is more than enough. I can relive all the feelings everyday and every seconds of my life. It will make me smile, keep going and maybe make this lifeless life of mine -- worthwhile.

I have no reasons to share this with you all. But, I have long wanted to feel the tingles in my tummy, butterflies in my stomach and all sort of weird feelings. It has been a while I have not feel this way. Too long till I can't remember when is the last time I really smile like I mean it :)

Tomorrow is another day and though people around me (far or near) may not notice I exist, or if they do notice but... neglecting me or not neglecting but couldn't care less -- I got to move on, it hurts, the whole body is screaming, my head is exploding. In the end, it might or might not worth it, only god knows.

PS: I just wish someone out there, I know you are out there -- to show me how to live again, don't come too late, I may not make it till the next day :)

Day 1 without you

2009-03-02T07:40:00.003Z

Morning feels less exciting. I am expecting no messages from you. I also expect there's no little visit from you. No one will get me coca - cola in case of emergency.

A bit odd, you should know that :) Perhaps, sooner or later I'll get use to it. When you say whatever happens, I should enjoy my life. That makes me feel more miserable, because, without you my days will completely change again. To be honest, adjusting to changes ain't easy. That's why I understand how you feel when you decided to move back to Cornwall. Anyways, my prayers are always with you, for us too.

Off to school in few minutes :)

Girl with many fantasies

2009-02-28T18:48:00.002Z

This girl thinks she can handle it. She has been doing her best to not make a big deal out of this one thing. Besides, it won't be too long and it is not the end of the world. Somehow, she just can't face the truth that, things MAY change. She is a very stubborn person and she only believes that she will get whatever she wants and wishes. Another person in her life is going tomorrow. And seriously, she is not okay with anything. She did try everything that she could possibly do, not to think too much. I think she feel really attached with that someone. Losing lots of people in few months for good or temporarily is not something easy for her. She values every single person in her life. Coz they respect her and she does the same. She is blinded with so many things. All she can see is, someone is going to leave tomorrow. Nothing that she can do as she will not be in UK after 2010. Another thing that she has to consider. I am sure she does not mind -- but many will say give it up. She is not a quitter, will the other person not give up? Will both of them will TRUST and HAVE FAITH in each other while apart? It takes 2 person to make things happen in this matter. Once the other half failed, the whole relationship is destroyed, ended. To be honest, you can see this fear in her eyes. Unspeakable fear to lose another person that meant so much to her. In reality, she has not even over with losing her twin, birthday will be a bit suck for her this year. No that someone special, no twin, no family, nothing special for her. I better comfort this girl for a while, tears have wet her face, jeans... the whole box of tissue is almost empty. I really hope she will be stronger tomorrow, when the real thing will happen. People feel sorry for her and she really doesn't need it. She already feel sorry that he is leaving. After all, it is between her and him, no one else. "Hey calm down and think of the possible good things that could happen sooner or later, girl..."

Note: A note to herself

Taking over me

2009-02-28T10:41:00.002Z

Overwhelmed with all the things that's happening currently to me. All I hope right now, everything will turn good. Surrounded with all these mix feelings, it hurts, its good, its shitty and everything else. I always thought I am in a mess, but I might have my second thought on this.

Yes, I risk my future being here in the UK, what's "fun" without all the risks? Just a bit confused with all the unpredictable that happened to me. Some are good and some are bad. I know to some people, I am not that good enough. However, in my little world of darkness -- I'm good enough for being me. Somehow, I think I forgot how to act or behave in this real world. My world, it's always been fantasies, good happy things, no one is lonely, no one is harsh, fairies and miracles. Someone snapped me back to reality. I fell so hard on my wings, now it is broken. There is no way to fix it. I am far away from my world now. It has been couple of years, I been in this real world. There is nothing I like about it -- most are lies, a joke and acts.

I really wish this "real" life will end soon... I don't think I can bare to see any more of sweet sacrifices. I rather see the true real world. The pure pain, tortures, happiness, joy and punishments. At least it is fair to everybody (hopefully). Back to the question -- Am I the mess or the world is?

There is another thing I would like to know: any of you want to be immortal?

I think that's all from me now... I don't think I can hold back these feelings anymore. It has been such a roller coaster ride in my life. All the mistakes in my life, blacken my soul. It haunts me always. Know why? Because people only see the wrongs that we all made, never the good little things. Why bother?

[This life has taking over me]

Private emotions

2009-02-25T23:47:00.005Z

Thank you dad for being such a wise man when I need someone to talk too. Thank you for making me realising what I really want to do in life. Your words of wisdom are always with me. Again, thank you more than my life for saving me from the day I was born. Whatever mistakes you have done in your life, you are always my number one hero! :)

Thank you mom for trying so hard to make our relationship better. I am sorry I did not spend so much time with you last summer. I promise I will be better next summer. Somehow I miss you nagging me. It seems to be too quite without you here :)

Thank you to all of my sisters -- you are meant more than a life to me. You all have been supporting and spoiling me way too much, and to be honest I do not even know how am I suppose to repay you all back.

Thank you to my one and only eldest brother. Your childhood and mine has nothing in common. But we both have been through a lot. And not to mention how much I miss the old you. Without you, I really would not be here, standing on my own. Or able to think on my own independently. You are a great mentor and a brother. I know deep inside of you -- you are still the same old you.

Thank you to my madly crazy insane youngest brother who never fail to make me laugh on his stupid jokes! Making me thinking one step further. Giving me all the "adult" / "mature" advices. I miss jamming and being silly with you. Whatever you choose for your future, I am always right beside you. I will stand and push you forward no matter what they say to you or me.

Thank you to all of my friends who has been tolerating with my attitudes. Accepting the way I am, patiently listen to everything I have to say, tolerating when I interrupt while you're talking, being selfish, be there when I need someone to be with me! No name mention, but I know you know who you are, you girls and boys are awesome. Without you I am nothing but an empty plate! My world will not be as colourful as it is now :)

Thank you to all the tutors, teachers and lecturers who have faith in me and pray for all of my success. I am here now and Insya Allah I will go back Brunei and do something useful. No more troubles from me for the moment :))

Last but not least, someone who has known me for at least 4 months, you know who you are. Life has been different with you -- in a good way. And I cannot thank you more for everything you have done for me. You taught me a lot of things -- sometimes silly but makes sense. You listen to my weak argument all the time. It only took you one second to just completely shut me up with your thoughts and huge vocabulary :p You taught me to appreciate time and read more. Heart still beats so fast when you are close with me & that's a good sign :p

Love? It is not something easy to say or do? It takes courage to say and do it, like you mean it. All of you teach me what love REALLY is :) ♥

"Never let go of my hand or I'm lost without you"

We miss you party

2009-02-25T08:50:00.005Z

"Good luck cake for Richard"

Sponge cake with Cornish Vanilla Ice Cream in Between
Covered with Betty Crocker Chocolate Icing
And topped with Strawberries
Special ingredients: Good luck, happiness and lots of love from me, Bebs

& we sang happy birthday song coz not sure what good luck song to go with it, oh well :)

& That's Richard and I with the Good Luck cake
Look at his smile, isn't he adorable?

Nan and I at Nunsmoor Park

So last week Gaelle was here. It was my happiest moment. We have not meet each other for ages! Not to mention that... we both do not e-mail or chat with each other that often. I wish she could have stay longer. She is like a sister of mine! :) I'm sure I one day will visit France soon. Need to really save a lot...

It has been a great emotional weekend for me and this week will be another one. Not sure if I should be sad, happy or neutral about this week. Seriously, I got so much to tell Richard. However, it is hard for me. Words can sound wrong and misunderstood or sometimes its a lie. Hence, it is better left unsaid. I said enough anyways. Few days left hun, and another story will begin.I am looking forward for the rest of the miliseconds, seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years to be with you. "near, far wherever you are, my heart will still go on" - Celine Dion

Myself? I have been ill for 3 days now officially. It is upsetting because... there is no one here to take care of me. Thanks for visiting me Richard, you made my night :) Usually there will be someone who will spoil me. Someone will feed me with the medicine, give me good food, hot drink and a good massage! Ahhhh~ I miss all those times.... :) *dreaming* Going to get some breakfast and out from this comfy bed.... meet Dexie and don't know what's next. Perhaps nothing... Revising my economics! Yes! It has been a while I have not revise anything :(

By the way I passed my Human Resource Management and Career development as well, so far only failed Economics. :)

Anyways, gotta go and clear this throat... it hurts like hell :(

Love you everybody and that includes you Rich! :DD

Blood, sweat and tears

2009-02-24T09:50:00.002Z

Hey everybody,
How are you all doing? I hope all of you are doing very fine. As for myself, I am recovering from the cold. Nose is a bit sore from sneezing all night long. Goodness.

Yesterday I am a bit of a mess, I let all the negative aura controlled me. In the end of the night, I am myself again. I am re-thinking about what people say to me. Today it is: "You will not feel lonely and empty if you got something to do". I agree with this statement and disagree at the same time. To be honest, since I was young... My life has been spoiled with material things. Watching Confessions of a shopaholic reflect some part of my life. I remember the unspeakable happiness when I first got my mobile phones. It feels like you fall in love with the perfect guy but better!

OK about the statement above: I agree because if we got something to do....

times will be shorter
you will be tired
keep you thinking of other things but concentrating on something that you do

Disagree because I grew up with people around me. I never been all by myself. It is something abnormal for me. I will definitely feel depressed on my own. Not sure why! LOL. Perhaps, the sweet moment of being with someone or just the companionship. I miss a lot of moments in my life. Hoping God will allow me to go back to those moments and make me smile again. There are moments I would rather just keep in a bottle. When I need to recall those moments, just open the bottle and release it. When you feel happy, store it again.

Moments I really miss the most are:

MJ's family dinner
Outings with my youngest brother
Long and silly conversation with my eldest bro
Spoiled by two of my elder sisters
Arguing with my youngest sisters
Not talking to mom
Listening to Dad's stupid jokes
Being crazy with some old friends
Laughing at Seng's reaction when he lost in PSP monster hunter
Gaelle's funny accent
Erin's whacky dance movements - unbelieveable
Watching sun sets at the beach
Being the old me :(
Not to lose someone I love so much
My late grandma's and grandpas's smile
My 18th Birthday!
Sleeping on air mattress
Hug by the three angels: Iman Mirul and Bazillah
Listening to my hardcore musics
Talking to Jimmy about anything
Driving Toyota VIOS
Mom's smiley face

Soon... I will be missing Richard's:

Smile
Hug
Cigarette smell on my hand
Sarcasm
Conversation
Weekends together
Dinner
Cinema Date
Drinking hot drink in a pub
Skinhead hair
Kissing his forehead wrinkles
Everything I guess :)

I say it today because who knows what happen tomorrow. While I still can say this, I am more than happy that all of you know how I feel and what's in my head. I do not mind if you all saying I am emo or pushing it too hard. This is me. I like being honest and sincere with myself. I am more than grateful having all of you around me. To bad, that we all have to be parted for now. I hope to see you all again, if there is any chance! You all are my life, my life means nothing without you all. Though you all are far from me, you all are one of the reasons for me to stay longer and keep on moving.

No special title for today

2009-02-23T15:27:00.003Z

You know what people -- somehow today I am out of words. I have been sitting here for the past 30 minutes and keep on deleting what I wrote earlier. And up until now, I am not sure what to say. Someone told me that I am "brave" to share my feelings here. I am not good in words as in oral confession or anything. The best way to do is write or type it here. I am good at this. Better, at least people get my point rather than accusing me trying to change their whole life completely. Read between every lines I typed, it has meanings in between. :)

I gave up for now. need a rest for now. I really hate feeling unwell :(

2009-02-22T00:39:00.002Z

It is okay to have a broken heart
It has been mended with lots of remedies
Somehow all the wounds, cut and patches are worthwhile
It is really tiring to keep on mending this broken heart of mine
But, there are millions of worthless experience I learned
Tonight, I managed to put away the sadness of someone's leaving
Someone who I think very important to me
Tonight, I managed to put smiley for the entire night
This memories will be framed beautifully in my heart
This is not the end Rich,
This is just the beginning...
We will make it through, Insya Allah

PS: Hanging by the moment by Lifehouse and The time of your life by Greenday were dedicated JUST for you x

:)

once again

2009-02-19T19:25:00.003Z

Everything just disappear when she is awake
Once again, she gave up
Once again, she is screaming inside
Once again, she wonders why did it?
Her heart is crumbled, broken & ready to be disposed
Whoever thought, all these times, it has always been in her dream only

Can I have this right now?

2009-02-18T08:53:00.004Z

Click me: Please buy me this

Since my mp3 headphone fucked up... I need to get a new one, well actualy somebody has to get me one! I am really sad :( I cannot listen to my music anymore when I needed too. You guys and girls do not want to feel so lonely right? *puppy eyes* Pretty please!

You can get this at HMV (click me) :D

Though I really like this one *hinting*

My SONY mp3 is nothing without headphone

Bebs is lonely without the music

Maybe that's why she feel lost :p

PS: I am serious though any of you MUST get this for me

Whatever it takes

2009-02-17T13:45:00.004Z

Here is the story of us. I never even noticed you in Japanese class. The only thing I realise was I am the only unemployed person in that class. After Japanese class, we started to talk and you walked with me to the bus stop. To be honest I did not understand a word you said. I was being polite by nodding and responding where ever necessary! :p

I told about you to Erin, I told her I started to fancy you. That's not it. After meeting you couple of times at the bus stop, you freaked me out! Instantly, I just assumed you stalking me. LOL, how vain is that Rich? Told Erin about this, and I decided to just really ignore you. However, I could not do that, instead I asked for your phone number and start asking you out.

Remember that "embarrassing" day for me? I admitted, I was so freaking curious if you are not available. BUT whoever thought Dex would asked you & said, "Beb, no girlfriend!" Okay, that was not that obvious really. You made me feel even worst, "Yeah I just pretended I did not hear that. You could have wait for me to go at least before you tell her." - That's what you said to Dex. Dex replied, "It is just a reflex action" -- my ass. Really, I almost puke coz I was too embarrassed! I don't think you notice I didn't talk so much after that happened. :P

on the same night, I think... Was chatting with you online."Is it my computer or is it you keep on changing your personal message like 10 times?" you asked -- ok that was funny. Seriously, why was I so nervous telling you the truth that night? And I am not even sure what the heck were you thinking... I was hinting here and there, but you said, "wait for a perfect time..." Perfect time, like when? After our conversation online, I did not give up! I text you again and this time -- my confessions.

Here we are now -- still together. 4 months and still counting. I do not mind where and when this relationship will end or fall -- all I know now is I do whatever it takes... to put smiles on your face every day! You leaving Newcastle -- is one of the saddest news for me. Regardless, I only have less than a month to be with you -- I learned a lot from you, you make me happy, you make me smile, laugh & special for the past 4 months and still is. Where would we be if I never tell? Would you ever ask me? I don't know... Glad to know that you are mine now. Every ending is a beginning... Hope to see you really soon Rich.

(=

start over

2009-02-16T11:45:00.003Z

Listening to Lifehouse - whatever it takes right now.

I am home after successfully staying awake for two morning lectures. Initially wanted to go to the library and start with my assignment. However, the little devilish voice told me to go home and have my nap. I am sure most of you out there had gone through a lot for the past few months of 2009. Thinking straight and staying positive is so hard for me. Shall I stop going against the world? I never believe how the world really works. Thought it is always drama. But, without drama what's life? Without all the lies and truth about reality - how life would be? Perfect? 24/7 and 365 days happiness? No tears, no nothing but being too perfect.

Last night movie - he is just not that into you... I think, I learned something from it. Appreciating whatever you have now and enjoy it while you still have it. Once you lost it, you might lose it forever. *smiles* I just found it funny how life really works. As I don't really understand what life is. What is it about? Guess Lydia was right about a lot of things too, about me. Weird enough I cannot trust myself that much. I doubt every steps I take, I question myself why I did something? For that, I just hate myself too much! Chill and relax, that's what Dex would say.

Starting over? It could be tough right?! I got my own reason not to change anything - which is:

"Though we wanted to be someone better, people will only look at your past. People are not forgiving enough to accept the fact that you did your best to be someone better. Unfortunately all the mistakes you do in your life will be remembered almost everyday. Worst enough these people's rumors about you had been spread around to the entire world. You might say, who care's about what people think about us? I don't really care. However, I think we all deserve a recognition for improving ourselves rather than reminded about how bad we were. This is not a one-way thing. It is up to me how and what I want to be, but it takes the whole world to make this work!"

Whatever it is, I really do not mind starting over my whole life & I only hope this will be worthwhile :) I am entirely happy to do so. Apart from thinking how much will it costs me to fix my broken laptop keyboard. Not to mention - I am looking forward for my 22nd Birthday. Sad not to be at home with my family, who will spoil and love me!

However, though I am turning my wheels around now. I still have my "initial" plan in my hand.

Desperately need to graduate university
Get a good paid job, expensive enough to support my next "dreams"
To open a business, anything... I do not mind.
Investing some money
Buying a house outside Brunei, most probably in France, Italy, Australia or New Zealand
Learn sewing clothes, get some basics on fashion
Make mom happy and proud of me
Make myself happy and happy :)
Learn Japanese, Chinese and French once graduated
Get a job overseas
Grow up, be stronger, skinnier, eat healthy
Be someone's someone :)
Get myself motivated to start doing all the above

I did go to most lectures this year, read some books, newspapers and checking some news online. 20% is done. Not to worry, I am almost there (=

When everything else fails, remember one thing, God is always with you. You are never alone. Maybe luck and miracle are impossible, but there is always hope behind everything. Don't look back, keep moving forward, do not let all the fears to make yourself feel so inferior. Being insecure is okay, life's is full with insecurities - trust me! Hope, faith and love - always hold on to this.

Sincerely yours,
A girl who always hope will come in her life eventually x

Let the whole world know

2009-02-15T23:18:00.002Z

I love that cigarette smell sticks on my hand
every time I hold your hand
good night Sayang
you've been great
meur ras!
(=

PS: That really does not mean I am encouraging you to smoke more
& yes I know you are smoking lesser than before
Thank you x

Quitting

2009-02-15T22:48:00.002Z

(SIGH) it's 15th February 2009
11.00pm at my room all by myself
Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

Dear everyone who bothers reading about my EVERYDAY life rants and whining,
Officially I do not want to think too much today, somehow... I cannot get everything around my head. It hurts like hell. I sort of thinking to cancel all of the social networking accounts. As well as this stupid blog of mine! Who cares reading my everyday crap? To be honest - it does makes me feel good writing/typing things here. Great, now I sound so freaking lonely. Actually I am eventually.Oh god, it is really hard for me, really. Making the right decisions -- how the hell am I suppose to know if I did make a right decisions? I did so much wrongs in my life already & I really hope people stop saying "do not do it then". If you people know, how much this soul has been screaming for freedom, you would at least appreciate your life more than mine.

I never LIKE being all dark and all. However, I do see the pleasure of being dark. It hurts so bad, that you forgot why it happens. In the end, you will have a stupid laughs about it. because you sort of regretted that you ever slit or cut your wrists, for example. Or you might regret when you knew your blood is so drained, it hurts like hell & you wish you have never done that. That's life, we live in a very extreme cold heartless society. We do not even realise that some people just don't need us! For me, personally... being all dark is because of me feeling insecure with lots of things in my life. I forget how painful it is to be a human. Being dark makes me feel all the possible nasty little bitch REALITY. Some people said it is not as harsh as I thought. Oh hello, look around you, how many people leave me for good? Or just call me when they need me (when aren't closed anymore)? The most bitchy thing in life is: Goodbyes. It always makes my world crumbles into pieces... the felings is beyond hurting and painful. I already had too many goodbyes for the past few months of my life. Not looking forward for another one.

I am blabbering some shite. Know what? Actually I am just pussy enough to go on with my life. Seriously, I do not have all the stupid strength to really push me. My dream is sort of crushed all over again and again and again. Who ever says it's easy to have dream? especially not the crushed dreams. (having cookies now). I really want to know, if I could turn the table around - how this life would be...

I am going to continue tomorrow. Early start tomorrow... Hate it. Though out of my own interest. I really do wonder what I love to do? Who I love? Ahh this is so confusing. Guess after all the stressing and bitching is over - I might re-think whatever I have said. Oh Bed please me... Sometimes, the tears are my lullaby. :)

5:05 PM

2009-02-15T17:07:00.003Z

Doing my very best to start my assignment today before I go out. Unfortunately, I just could not get the grip out of it. Not sure either what this assignment really command us to do. Thinking really hard now... (shook head) Giving up for now. I rather write something in my blog, useless but makes me feel accompanied. Don't judge me :D

Was randomly browsing for some phones update. LG KS360 is now available in Black?! O_O it looks so awesome. Speaking of the devil, I just thought this phone obsession needs to STOP eventually. It is like drugs - I am telling you honestly. The feeling when I see the phone, its like tingling and exciting. The pleasure when I bought or got the phone is unspeakable. Many asked, why do you need more than one phone. It is the pleasure of having it with me. My all time favorite is my K770i Sony Ericsson (Black). The design is so freaking sleek and elegant. (wondering) >.<>

I love to be spoiled, pampered
Do not like cleaning dishes, love cooking :D
Can be categorized as game freak or more like gadgets freak (oh twin, I miss you!)
Very straight forward (to those who feel uncomfortableable with me being honest, pissed off!)
Swears a lot (hey, look at the brighter side, I am doing so much better now! :) )
Love Coffee - not Cappuccino or anything fruity or with spices (WTH?!)
Love red grapes, watermelon, Durian, Rambutan, Maegosteen, Mangoes
number one fan for: Coffee and cookies bubble drink, coco latte bubble drink, sparkling blueberry with pearl, Tiramisu with pearl, Caramel Frappucino, Coca-Cola, Shloer apple, Blackcurrant Capri Sonne, Milo shake
Like to dance, learn other languages (not excesively), wasting time
Paranoid with microwave - DO not ever ask me tooperate one! Also do not even think about getting me one ok?
Bracelets freak
Loves purple, green, red, black, magenta
Love big bags!
Shopping is my sport (don't judge me!)
Toffee Crisp fan
SONY fan
heart scrap booking, and have keen eyes for colours... Do trust me when I said the colour looks terrible on you, just believe me!
Heart Adidas
Favorite food: Mom's egg soup, chicken rice, Dad's Lamb Chop, aming's chicken, Nurul's lasagne, Datin's yellow noodle, Lina's kebab, Nando's chicken (lemon and herb!), London Kebab, Ahad's Burger, Dim sum!!!
Allergic to: Seafood, eggs, dust, backstabbers, liars, cheaters, two-faced, selfish people, no common sense

I'll add more soon, now my back is killing me. I need to go check on Erin... To all the readers, please behave and take care. Also, do not forget to say I love you to that someone you love the most (family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, relatives - whoever!) Do not forget to forgive someone. Life is short - you might regret with whatever last thing you said to someone when they are gone. Remember This World Need More loving than hatred... Muchas gracias, my a'th kar. :)

Without you

2009-02-15T08:05:00.002Z

Hey Hey Emptiness
Please go away
My life does not have to be emptier
Hey Hey Emptiness
Go away and never come back

************************

Yokay! How's everybody's Valentine's night? I hope it went well and was a blast. Mine was SUPERB. Though it seems to be like a normal dinner, watched movies @ my place :) Nothing special in particular. I did not slaughter or sacrifice anyone last night. Though I have temptations to tear someone's meat into pieces and drain the blood. LOL. Actually I was kidding. God no I won't do that, ever.

Pfft~ Weather is sort of shite. Though I really want to go to the park, no matter what. I don't care! I want to go and I must go if its not raining or snowing. Why it has to be so freezing! GOD! Tonight, I might want to start on my assignment before partying next week. I am so going to whine and sulk more next week. Trust me! "dear parents, please send me a housemaid to take care of the house and me!"

I really have nothing to say but ermmm... everybody get me that Birthday presetns and send it over here! now now now. It better be good people!

Chatting with Pij now - how I miss her so so so much... :D

(^_^) I really don't have anything to say now, apart from hating uni life. Mom could be right, quit school and get married with rich man! haha... March please come now! I want this "torture" to end so very soon. Bubble Tea, Dim Sum, when I am home - you will so be fucked. SALAD PRAWN DATIN! and and Vegetable DIM SUM and the noodle and the snow moon cake!!!

young blood spills

2009-02-14T11:46:00.002Z

What the heck is Valentine's Day? - and why some people do not celebrate it?
Erin and the gang will celebrate Anti-Valentine today! Woot Woot
As for myself - it'll be Valendearkstine Day! :D - nothing really dark or nasty. I promise!

Nothing so special today really. Still the same old me with lots of things clouding in this mind. House chores is one of them. Doing my laundry now, at the same time listening to MP3, educating myself what is St. Valentine's day, also watching Heroes Season 3, it gets too interesting now. Tonight, of course, will meet him. I am not sure what to cook for dinner. Eventually I will come up with something :D

I miss celebrating this with my youngest sister. I think this is the only day that we won't argue or shout at each other. Though, I miss her so much. And I really hate not seeing her growing up. She is way mature than me. Unfortunately I am like her little sister. She always have my back, regardless how we hate each other so much! :) Miss you Biatch... Hope you will not leave me so soon to start your NEW life, coz I will miss you freaking much than.

I do not have troubles to confess to someone before. But now I guess I am too scared to hurt someone's and my feelings. Feelings are so fragile, once broken, it is quite hard to fix. I confessed and shared a lot here... My feelings sometimes cannot be trusted. My dad always tell me to believe in what I am capable of. How can I lost the trust I had once with myself?

I think I am starting to fall for someone again, though everything is unsure. I am afraid it might not be what I think it is. I just wish this can be made easier for me to work out. I am sure that someone does not realize all this - coz we both seems to be just here and there. Somehow, I do know my feelings are a bit tingling every time I think about you. I do not mind keep on falling for you, keep it a secret between us. Why? I am happy the way we are right now & I rather not ruin it again and again...

A note:
something for you, might make you smile
This is how I feel now
Might be ~~false~~
Might be blurry
I do know
I am so into you
&
I do not mind if you never feel the same way I do
at least, you always make me smile
Whenever I think of or talk to you
I do hope you will have a good day today
(=

Our 28 days almost to expiration

2009-02-14T01:14:00.003Z

:( - tougher than I thought
Who made February so freaking short and 2nd month of the year?
I do not understand why I can't be with someone longer than I thought
I know I don't need to understand, I do want to know why not?!
All I want is... someone to be with me, who'll make this dull life of mine more worthwhile
It is not desperation or anything, I do think I deserve to feel love dearly at least once
I do not expect so much... coz it will be a bit difficult sooner...
I only hope... we can go through this together...
If we really want it to happen, we'll figure out any slightest way possible to get around it
God knows what's really in my mad thoughts

for a moment I cannot reassure myself that I have fallen for someone

Yesterday, is not today

2009-02-13T12:04:00.006Z

Finally home from a lecture today and going to be a bit busy with here and there. My room is a total mess, I really don't know how the heck I actually wreck my room in 5 minutes after tidying it up. What a pro! I did wake up for morning lectures, though still not feeling that well. Also I paid attention for 3/4 of the lecture. Be proud of me!

Yesterday was not that bad at all. However... I was almost a walking snowman, walking through the snowy day. Of course, my "flexible" ability saved me from falling. Though I slipped couple of times. To those who really fancy snowing, I personally think its magical at first. Unfortunately, now... I prefer warm sunny day the next time I am out. Just like today, I love to see the snow melts, I hate the SLUSH. If you are lucky enough -- you might get splash with the puddles. STAY AWAY FROM THE ROAD SIDE PEOPLE :D

Fire alarm went on during Economics lecture, funny enough I could not hear a thing till I saw Anita jumped and Phil (is that the lecturer's name) pointed the fire exit. Geez man, what the heck is wrong with my ears? Oh well, we did not get BBQ-ed or something -- at least we are safe and sound. For your info, I was still writing when the fire alarm went on! What the heck Bebs?! XD

I do not have so much to share today really. Though, I am looking forward for something for next week. HEHE. Hopefully she will come or else I am going to cry like a baby! (seriously, I will) I wonder when is his interview today and how did it goes? I bet Richard will do well for today's interview. I do not think he can do worst compare to me. Right Rich? Wish I can be as good as you :) Don't you think you don't need the luck when you knew you are too good for it? *wonder*

Got to go and watch Heroes Season 3 - I think I would date Hiro, Gabriel a.k.a Sylar and Peter Petrelli, will they date me? Tomorrow's Saturday: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO WHOEVER IS CELEBRATING IT & HAPPY ANTI-VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL THE DARK SIDERS *EVIL GRIN*

The Crowds when the FIRE alarm went on (I wonder what really happened that triggers the alarm?)
Bebs & Anita - frozen
(Look at me, I am smiling again. I think I have found the HOPE I have been looking for!)

QUotes of the day from moi to you:
"I do not like you coz you are rich or popular. I like you coz I believe you're different. I do not love you coz you have more friends than I do. I love just the way you are when you are with me. I do not hate you coz you did mistakes before. coz you deserve another chance. after all we are only human. I only hope you think the same way too :)"

To Datin

2009-02-12T10:09:00.003Z

It is snowing again in Newcastle.
This is for all of my family in Brunei who wanted to see snow. Enjoy you all.
PS: I am not enjoying this anymore though. It is pain in the ass when it gets colder!

11th February 2009

2009-02-12T00:29:00.003Z

What a night.... I feel like blogging before I went to bed. I screamed a lot just now. Lucky, I still can talk. The performance was quite good. Most of us were a bit disappointed that the Magician guy did not get through the top 6. He could have been the winner.

Had Pizza & hot chocolate with Richard earlier this evening - Thanks Rich! (=

Freaking awesome night! Superb performances! Looking forward for next year... Let Newcastle students participate as well :p

You & me

PS: Somehow, I feel different tonight. A bit less uptight and happier. Well, I am glad I did enjoy my night with you and the girls. If you did take part in Northumbria got talent - you don't need my vote, coz you'll always win in my heart :p Off to bed now readers x

To: Datin

What do you think of Richard for me? Though ia macam nda rugged usul nya in the picture...Tapi ia orang nya pandai and suka baca buku... And aku such a Lazy ass :0
Bah collect the money and send the camera to me before my birthday :p Demanding aku ahhhh...
Iman Hakeem - Babu loves and misses you so much

Give me strength

2009-02-10T21:12:00.002Z

Waking up this morning is not the greatest thing to do in my life. Knowing my February is going to end soon, exam is just around the corner, assignment is due in 9 days! Why my times seem to be shorter now? Is it because I am trying to slow down the time? Or the world is going to come to end soon?

I have migraine again today & proud to say I did not miss any lectures today. Though I could not even pay any single attention to Research Methods lecture. God, it is beyond boring. In the end, Anita and I decided to play hangman to keep us awake. Met Far and Zyra - head to Primark for few hours. Then I decided to go home and had a nap. Before I was napping, was thinking about Richard, I wonder how was his day, I wonder who he met today, I wonder if he is doing okay - eventually I fell asleep. My phone got a text from Richard while I was napping. I smiled coz it was from him. Hope the headache is not going to be too nasty with you love. I also hope you will have a good night rest :)

... Listening to Lostprohets now ... I don't really know how I feel today actually. Somehow I am a bit bitter today. Sigh. I might need to pull myself together again I think. I am confused.com too LOL. Confused with what's happening and had happen. Don't think I am accepting some of the things that's going to happen or had happened! God, please give me strength to go through this one.

Look at me, "I really do not know what's really going on. And I feel everything is wrong here! Yeah we sing - If we are going no where and if it is enough, sing without a reason to ever fall in love again!" (Lostprophets - Last Train Home)

These emotions are messed up
These feelings are jumbled
These thoughts are painful
The reality is cruel
This life is meaningless
This path is dark and complicated
Tell me if I will be all right
Because I am really scared of losing you,
losing me,
losing everything again
"Maybe tomorrow will be better": no - that's another lie

what a wonderful world

2009-02-10T13:54:00.002Z

Right~ 3 hours break, at the library at the mo and not doing anything academic at all. Updated the BNS blog, definitely not doing any progress for Marketing Communications Assignment. Seriously missy, may I freaking now what do you really want us to do? I am so LOST. Anyone with a map or compass or something to help me out here?

My stomach is craving for junkies now. Anita is still doing some reading & I am wasting my time blogging. I should not do this in the library, know why? Because there are other people who wanted to use this computer to do their work. Here I am just misusing University Computer! Oh well whatever, there are many others who abuse these facillities worst!

At least I am happy that I managed to changed the look of my blog. LOL. Did I mention I passed my interview. Actaully the supervisor marks made me pass the module. I am not anticipated to know other marks for my other modules. I might be crying or committing suicide if I fail! To be honest, it is tougher for everybody now. God Uni life can be a bitch sometimes. I wonder why some people just kill others to get their ass in uni. Qualifications? Come on, you can earn this in many millions ways.

University can such a ripped off. First of all, International students have to pay more than loccal students? Hello? Shouldn't it be vice versa? Local students can be a bad asset to home university. International students mmight work harder more than the local students because they had face hardships. Not saying local students do not ever have hardships, but they are comfortable living here anyways. Oh yes, my argument is a bit shaky.

Secondly, I am not sure in the UK schools, but back in my country some textbooks are provided for free or at least cheaper or something. Pook publisher in the UK is so freaking greedy. For example, Pearson Publications or something recently increase the price of a book by few pounds. I thought book publisher should help student to be successful not BROKE! Of course the people who published this book will say: "well you spent so much on drinks, night life and other unnecessary things, so I don't think you cannot afford £50 textbook?". We all do not like textbooks - 1. sometimes they do not make sense, 2. It is boring for a £50 textbook, just plain small texts with boring illustrations START making textbooks interesting and illustrative. NOT everybody wanted to just spend £50 for BORING book! Universities should have subsidised some of the textbooks with bulk buying or something - I am sure this can be arranged!

Thirdly, some courses do not even need the lecturer to lecture anything! Why bother paying the UNI then? Isn't this stupid? Letting someone getting so freaking richer than us, while we suffer from doing part-time job, paying loans after you graduated... University can be ridiculous. I respect to all the lecturers who is really doing their work & do their best to help the students.

I am so mad when it comes to this subject. I do not know why anyone never thought of this or at least think alike like me :p To be honest, I learn more outside the education institution. Education institution is so freaky, they look miserable, depressed and a bit ill too. Very scary world. Outside the institutions - though they look very miserable but you can avoid them. You do not have to face these weirdos all day long. Or listening to their crap sometimes... Geez, I just can't wait to get out of here.

Anywhore, got to go feed this tummy before it rebels and playing Rob Zombie!

PS: Do not forget tomorrow people! Come one and come all to Northumbria Got Talent at 1930 - you do not want me to enjoy this all by myself right? :p

Richard Buckley

2009-02-09T23:09:00.003Z

I will think twice of getting shirts from Primark. You know what ai ren - I thought it was funny at first!? But now I am thinking it must've been freaking sore for the whole hours you wearing that shirt. So much for my surprise, that shirt got another surprise for you, which was never intended! Also, thanks for making me laugh with your FB status! You made my night. Oh geez, you are such a cute sarcastic boyfriend! = that's what I love about you x

PS: Rich, LOL! I think you deserve a torture for making me look blunt with your bluffs :p nyehehehehehe....

Birthday Wishlists

2009-02-09T01:01:00.002Z

God, just realised I have been emo-ing too much. Not to worry Bebs is back in business... :p

I feel like posting it in advance so you people can SAVE your DOSH (cash in Geordie, moi think). And I do not mind getting something not on the list really. As long as I have not gotten it & you are sincere and thoughtful enough to get me something. However, DO look carefully at my Birthday wish lists :p

(MOST WANTED) Polynesian Weekend Bag Price: £ 35.00

Navy White Striped Canvas Weekend Bag Price: £30.00

(MOST wanted) Pouchy Pocket Woven Handle Shopper Price: £22.00

(MOST wanted) Leah Floral Mask Shoulder Bag Price: £40.00
LG KS 360 (PINK)

* Return ticket to Amsterdam & paid accommodation ( I do not mind paying half for the accommodation :p )
*Charm Bracelet (be prepared, don't gasp!) - CLICK me

My MUST Have Fashion accessories:
* It's Darling Birdy handbag - Click me
* It's darling birdy makeup purse - Click me
* Yak Pak Purse - Click me
* Queen of fucking everything purse - Click me

P.S. Rich, I am so sorry about that shirt. I am sure you freaking suffer a lot wearing it. Thanks for being thoughtful to wear it just now. And hopefully we can celebrate Chinese New Year together Next Year. Also, I meant everything I said in my previous posts... x

Much love, Bebs

I hate this part right here

2009-02-07T22:49:00.002Z

Pink Panther might not be funny to watch now
I just thought I am caught in the moment, again
It feels like I just knew you
It feels like I just said "hello" to you
It feels like not enough time
It feels like I am suffocating with all the thoughts, doubts and maybes in this silly head of mine
I just started to know you better
Sadly, this has to end so so so soon
However, it is not all sadness
I am happy whenever you can waste your time for me
I smile whenever you reply my text
I feel appreciated when you are thoughtful
I am upset when you got so much to do
BUT
If that what makes you happy and succeed, I am willing to accept all the facts, though it sucks
Reality has never been nice to me anyways
Not to worry too much about me
A bit messed up when you are not around
Trust me, I will be okay

I do miss us a LOT. I just wish this doesn't have to change so soon.
I might not be the person you miss the most
OR
Spend most of your time with
Unfortunately, I will miss you more than a lot :)
The question that most people ask: "Can we make it?"
For me, if we want it to happen, it happens.

Feeling awkwardly bittersweet,
she who just feel a bit too tired with goodbyes

My night melody

2009-02-06T18:34:00.002Z

Blackout memories of you
Ill take Slowly I shall take
I will Ill slice you open
I'll steal back my love
Revenge is running through my body
(this love you breathe)
So fast racing against my heartbeat
(this love you breathe)
Escaping letting my tension free
(this love you breathe)
Sent of your blood smells so sweet
Your lungs will swell till you choking on your fear
Your lungs they'll swell till your choking
Trade me my love for this heart I pray upon
Trade me my heart for this heart I pray upon
Revenge
Blackout memories of you
I'll take all life from you
I'll slice you open so you feel the pain from you
I'll slice you open and steal back my love from you
Steal back my love
This Love you breathe

you cannot reach me

2009-02-06T15:15:00.004Z

Here I am again blogging... about something unimportant to you earthlings. I missed another morning lecture today on purpose. I was so drained for being so pumped out last night with Coca - Cola. Though, now head is a bit spinning coz body is beyond exhaustion!

Amazingly though, I manage to help my team for Services Marketing Seminar presentation. I am very proud, because I just did the preparation this morning. Whatever, it is done now. That's what all matters.

I have done too many things re-thinking about my whole self. And I come to conclusion to dye my hair into lighter colour, which supposedly ASH Light brown, somehow it looks a bit weird and I still have my black hair behind my head. BAD DYE JOB, Still I look all right I guess. Today, I cut my hair, Anita does not like to see back of my head, coz IT IS TOO SHORT for her. Definitely will be my old self starting today! I miss myself so much!!! :D

Anyways, I am off for nap now. My head of mine is still suffering from sugar high. Is definitely killing me. My legs are getting better, though I was hoping somebody would be really nice to me and visit me :( Erin did help take my Coke upstairs last night, at least I got her last night. I miss being spoiled, pampered and most of all I miss laughing out loud on my brother stupid jokes.

If only I could turn back time, I will never ever choose this path for my life. However, I will keep the most precious person in my life, who I just met here and completely turn back the time! Wait, it would not be the same anymore then, everything must just completely change.

YEAH --my blog makes no sense. Structure wise, it is shit. I will work on that. I am getting better at it. Know what, neither my English and Malay is getting better now. I cannot even talk properly in my own language or even English. Blame me for locking myself in the room and not talking for a while now. God - Somebody entertain me with something.

Anyways here is a before and after picture of me! Here I am welcoming the 2009 in a very very rebelling way.

BEFORE

AFTER

Much love,
Bebs
x

Reasons

2009-02-05T17:26:00.002Z

"Can anyone please tell me the reasons why I am here and still caught in the moment? All I want is, do not take my happiness and smiles away from me. When is it my turn to feel the joy of Life? Misery, please go away tonight...."

Like a broken glass

2009-02-05T10:24:00.003Z

My legs are officially DEAD due to extreme dancing night out. Today, I missed one lecture and will definitely get the right time this week for Eco lecture. Last week was hilarious. Me and Am went back home after a lecture or something. So we decided to have a nap, rest and girls talk. We waited till almost 3pm then we went to the bus stop. The funny thing was, when we arrived outside lecture hall - THERE was NOBODY there! SURPRISED! Actually, we both got the wrong time, by the time we got there, Eco lecture was over. It was at 2pm not 3pm lah! Hiya~

Anyways, Last night I had another date with my teddy bear - Anita. We watched Sex Drive, rating 4 stars. A very sweet good movie. Sorry darling I was late for the movie but hey we only miss the part he wanked :p Not to worry! XD Orange Wednesday RULES! Anyways, I am looking forward for another movie - Bolt, Pink Panther 2, Underworld: the rise of the lycans or something...

I had Caramel Hot Chocolate at Starbucks before the movie with moi Heffalump :) I somehow, enjoyed the conversation but... wish I can tell you more than about my night out. I really need to work out my oral communication. LOL, that sounds naughty. Oh well, you know what I mean. At least I talk more than before. :)

Yes I know I am wasting my time here blogging. Come to think of it, by reading my blog can help you to enhance your life! Do not be dull or lifeless like me. From what happened to me can be an experienced or a lesson for you to learn & NOT DO IT like I DID! :) See, me blogging is not that bad thing after all. I love helping people, except for you asking my money. To be honest, I need to start a fund raising campaign to support my "POSH spoiled" Life too dude.

PS: Did any of you guys actually tried name that 45 destinations competition by Jet2.com? I am one of the lucky winner but... I read the terms and conditions - They have certain dates where booking is impossible! and UK RESIDENTS.... Am I UK resident? I live here more than 185 days, I think I should be eligible for this one, COZ I SPENT SO MUCH here. I do deserve RETURN from the UK! The thing is, it does not says permanent UK resident :p Maybe it is worth to try.

Gotta shower and do a quick study before lecture and my Stats tutorial.

Much Love,
Bebs x

MY GOD - jobless

2009-02-04T14:21:00.002Z

Rules:

It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Have Fun!!

1. What is your name: Bebs
2. A four Letter Word: Boob
3. A boy's Name: Bobby
4. A girl's Name: Brogen
5. Another Name For A Map : WTH you call it then if it starts with B?
6. Month : Is there any month start with B? Anyone?
7. Something you wear: Boots
8. A food: Beef Steak
9. Something found in the bathroom: Bath tub
10. A place: Bus stop
11. Another Name For A Jerk : Bullocks
12. Something you shout: Bull shit
13. A movie title: Bolt
14. Something you drink: Bubble Tea
15. A musical group: Back Street Boys
16. A Country : Brunei Darussalam
17. What Comes Before B : How am I suppose to answer this? This does not make sense!
18. Brunei Band : I don't know?! X(
19. A Superhero : Batman!
20. A Chocolate : Box of chocolate?

I dont know who to tag! All of you are tagged if you are reading this! XD

If only

2009-02-02T18:01:00.002Z

I can be so sure
I can have your reassurance
I know what is really going on
I understand why this happen
I have all the faith
I have the courage to move on
I have the trust with myself
I love myself
I can be just grateful with I have right now
I am satisfied with myself
I don't have to put on my fake smile
I don't have to think too much
I can stop thinking negatively
I can stop being who I am right now
If only, if only, you are listening
If only all of these are nightmares
If only...

Weather today: Snowing/Hailing/Drizzling
Mood: A bit messed up
What I did today: Lectures/ Lunch with Dexie / Coffee-ing with Fenham guys for Daus Birthday / Shopping for stupid things
Currently: Listening to Imeem playlist / Thinking to nap, just could not, too much clouding in this little head of mine :)

I hope you will be listening to this

2009-02-01T15:19:00.003Z

I found this song randomly, and I want to dedicate it to you Rich. I am no good expressing myself or maybe I just don't have the guts to tell you. Hope you will like this song. CLICK PLAY TO LISTEN (=

Run - Snow Patrol

Hope to see you soon (=

Much Love,
The girl you met at the bust stop randomly

thank you for making "us"

2009-01-31T00:06:00.006Z

09/2007 - 01/2009 ( still friends....)

Can you work out how long have we been friends now?
Since you are smart with numbers :P

| Gotham Town | Me | Anita |

Hey Anita, remember how we met each other? Yes, we met at the Marketing induction day. I don't know how we exactly started to talk to each other. I still remember vividly what you said to me. "There is not much international students in this course"
I replied, "I am international student, she (Ming Ming) is also international student"
From there I think we start to just talk to each other, not so much.
To be honest, I don't even know if I will like you :p
Oh well, look at us now... You are my Teddy Beer (Bear) now.
I am happy to see us grow together.
Thank you for being such a good friend to me.
Thank you for taking the time to know me better.
aš myliu tave

November 08 - January 09

| Gotham Town | Me & you |

Japanese class mate ( not attending anymore)
Series of coincidence made us together
my friend, my man, mine
Meur ras for having me in your life
My a'th kar

"People never know how special someone is until they leave, but maybe sometimes its important to leave, so they are given that chance to see how special that someone really is!"
- Sent by Ali Nitka

Y o u

2009-01-30T23:24:00.004Z

I do not understand how things really work in this life. I really don't. Some people just told me not to worry about how it works. I am curious. My curiosity might just be too much... Well to be honest I don't even know how my life actually works.

For example: I met someone, I think whatever happened between us, was and still is quite sweet. Odd at the same time. Coincidence too. I never believe in "Perfect timing" as most people prefer. I am a person who just love to take chances and risks. It is more like now or never. Sometimes all these fierceness can cause a bit of uncomfortable consequences to myself... one thing I realised that we both are totally from different world, background, culture and religion. Okay, great some people accept it openly and others just don't. Yes, who cares about what people say, but how about when it comes to your family? This is where all the dramas and complications started! How actually all these complications can be resolved and makes everyone happy? The answer is impossible.

Actually that's not the point... (^_^)~~

It's 30th January today -first month of 2009 is almost over... Time flies by so fast, scares me a lot. To be honest, I really hate the fact that knowing February is approaching. Someone is leaving... I am happy to know he decided to do something with his life. (a plan) .. Thoughtful. :) It sucks knowing that I will miss him a LOT. Traveling up or down will be costly too (for both, considering what's going to happen next, things are unpredictable) = sucks. What am I going to do without you here, Newcastle is going to be dull without you. Really will miss that cigarette smell (,-_-,) Who is going to get me Coca-Cola when I am broke? Who is going to admire my scrap booking work? Who is going to bitch with me? Who is going to make me laugh about "Diana Alarm clock"? Who is going to say the nerdiest thing to me? In short - you will be really missed by me... I suck expressing myself verbally. And yes I should not be reminding you, that it is sooner than you thought. It will happen anyways... right? It is okay I am sad now, at least I won't be that sad when the time really comes. We will be all right... Like you said, lets see how it will fall.

Sigh. I wish everything is different. I wish I am different... I don't even know what to say now. It must be the time of the month, where I feel so down and sad. All the things in my head will just gang up on me.

I miss home. I miss mom scolding me. Miss my youngest brother stupid jokes. Miss fighting with my youngest sister. Miss being spoiled by my two eldest sister. Miss bitching with my friends. Miss driving so fast and scare myself out. Miss shopping till I got broke and have to stay at home for weeks. Miss all the good memories... Most of all, I miss being me.

I will just stop here for tonight. I am rather confuse now. Things might not go as I plan. Guess life is all about taking chances and see how it goes from there...

Beb's Saturday Agenda:

wake up early, like really early
shower
clean up dishes/ room
Economic Revision
Meet Xiao Nan
Evening with him
off to Buckley's Dreamland

Sunday agenda? I am not sure myself yet.

Something I need to do sooner:

Budgetting my fucked up financial shite
organise lecture notes
laundry shower towel
More revision?
Read the two books I bought

Much Love,
Bebs - Spoiled queen of darkness

oooh baby baby~ :D

2009-01-29T20:42:00.003Z

COCA-COLA! I got (actually I asked from Richard) 2 Liter Coca-Cola FROM Richard B. just few hours ago. You are a star man, you feed my addiction real good. Thanks.

Due to this sugar high and rush, I would like to share the top 5 skin head guys I adore so much!

Be prepared and put your safety belt on:

at Number 5:
Rene Dif (Ex-Aqua singer)
yes he is fat and older now, but in this picture he is so freaking hot!

Number 4:
Van Diesel

Number 3:
Fredrick Ljungberg
(Ex-arsenal footballer, current CK model)

Number 2:
Maurice Townsend
(Manhunt model - 3rd Place)
Obviously he is with the bald head

THE WINNER IS (PREDICTABLE I know)....
At top of my list:
Richard Buckley
(he is like my coca-cola addiction :) )
PS: he is in the middle with white hoodies

Much love,
Bebs x
PS: Of course I will definitely have good good good hot dreams in my Buckley's dreamland :D Hope no nightmares :)

Seriously?

2009-01-28T17:58:00.002Z

Bradley Baumkirchner

Bradley Baumkirchner is someone I would date. He is so sweet and adorable. I don't know what so hot about him... I mean I am sure not his receding hairline, or curly hair, or even his beard and moustache. His personality is charming. Unfortunately he was eliminated in Project Runway Season 3 - well Bradley Baumkirchner if you happen to read this trust me you are not going to be eliminated in my top dated guy lists :) I am sure Richard B. is hotter than him, nerdier than him and dating with him, despite all the dramas about my relationship with Lydia :p (for God sake...) Still, Bradley Baumkirchner is just sweet like CHOCOLATE! All he need is a bit of trim here and there - you will be as explosive as hiroshima bombing! Ladies and gentlemen do watch project runway season 3 if you want to know more why I am so into his personality. All the best - Bradley Baumkirchner (be fitter and get a cleaner look, you can be my model :p )

Sorry everybody

2009-01-27T13:11:00.005Z

I failed my 20% Economics really badly. I got another chance to get a pass at least for semester two 80% exam for it. I will prove the lecturer wrong, and I will make him cry till his eyes bleed. Be careful with what you've said to me, what comes around comes around Mr. Lecturer. It is either you see me excel in your stupid economics bullshit theory or I rot in your sarcasm. We will see, the war has just began *evil grin*

I definitely do not want to know the other two 100% exams I did last semester :(

I do not know if there is still hope or even miracle will happen to me... Maybe my times up.

Fingers cross - hope I pass the other two modules or ELSE I got a good reason not to go back Brunei at least I can enjoy my summer revising and holiday-ing :)

Oh well, we all made mistakes and mine is unforgivable. If I decided not to be here and decline everything, where would I end up? perhaps somewhere better or worst than what it is now... I will keep on moving forward.

If I am a slug, you are a bull frog.

2009-01-27T08:49:00.002Z

Click the picture to view it bigger :)

If you are an Ass : A very loyal and sweet person. Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble, and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. Popular and easy-going. You have a little group of dignified friends, a! ll of them being quality-personified.

If you are a Slug : Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder people seek your company and look forward to include you for all get-together's. However, you are sensitive which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then! (Bebs MJ)

If you are a Cockroach : Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you dislike sitting at one place for a long duration. You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... Hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful.....

If you are a Parasite : An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool but when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Skunk : You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give, and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a Bullfrog: You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. ! They can never be in your good books, no matter what. You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, it is easy for you to fall in love.... (Richard B.)

If you are a Snake : You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, yo u may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are an Ape : Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky. Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

tag taggy tag

2009-01-27T00:50:00.002Z

THREE NAMES PEOPLE CALL YOU:

Bebs
Babe
Eda

THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE:

20/09/2008
Examination dates
Friend's & Family's Birthday (I cheated, its 4 I know)

THREE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE IN THE LAST 33MINS:

Washing my face
Facebooking
Turn off my bedroom light

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:

Listening to my hardcore playlist on Imeem
Call Richard, Anita, Lydia
Shopping

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS AS OF NOW:

Naive Orleans - Anberlin
Where are you? - Our Lady Peace
Darling - Eyes set to kill

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:

Blogging
Scrap booking
Travelling

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:

USA
Europe
Cornwall :)

THREE MALLS YOU USUALLY GO TO:
Newcastle does not have so much malls :)
Perhaps:

Eldon Square
Metro center
I don't know

THREE FAV. DRINKS:

Chup... Coca-cola
Shloer
Starbucks Caramel Frappucino with whip cream and caramel sauce at the top!

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:

My gigantic wallet
Bus pass
Weekly planning diary

THREE FAV COLOURS:
Tough call this one:

Purple
Green (not yulky or ugly green)
Turquoise

TOP THREE HANGOUT:

Starbucks
My room
Richard's crib

TOP THREE FOOD YOU LOVE SO MUCH:
another hard ones? just 3? you kidding?

Mom's Chicken Korma
Pizza (any with extra cheese and not spicy)
Dad's lamb chop

TOP THREE 'THINGS' SPECIAL TO YOU:

My Little teddy bear
My Charm bracelet
My phones

TOP THREE ATTITUDES YOU LIKE:

Creative
Straight forward
Sarcasm

THREE THINGS YOU WILL BE DOING TOMORROW:

Attending lectures
Grab books in the library
Revision, maybe?

THREE REASONS YOU ANSWERED THIS SURVEY:

Love tagging
Lydia tagged me :)
It is fun, right? or is it me who has no life answering all this?

TOP THREE WHY YOU ARE BUSY AT THIS TIME:

Thinking in progress
Was chatting with Rach and Lydia (mana kamu dua hilang?)
Making my bed for moi beauty sleep

THREE PERSONS YOU WANT TO TAG:

Prissy
Zaty Horsey
Flo

Why I can't have more??? Why three? I like number 5!

Anyways, here are something about my 3's of something... Enjoy reading it & hope it makes you smile.

Lotsa love,
Bebs x

Prissy wants one & I want LOTS

2009-01-25T12:16:00.002Z

To be honest this is way better than SONY DSC-T2 Camera. I am talking dramatic impact here with camera listed below.... This IS DEFINITELY one of my BIRTHDAY wishes.

DIANA F+ DELUXE KIT

Package Includes:
- The Diana Deluxe Kit includes (Save 104EUR/140USD):
- Diana+
- Diana Flash
- Hotshoe adaptor
- Cable Release Collar and cable release
- Diana Back+ 4 masks for 4 formats
- Viewfinder Adaptor
- universal viewfinder
- fisheye viewfinder
- Splitzer
- Diana+ 20mm Fisheye Lens
- Diana+ 38mm Super-Wide Lens
- Diana+ 55mm Wide-Angle Lens
- Close-Up Lens, Diana+ 110mm Telephoto Lens

GBP 187.60

HOLGA CMY
GBP 98.49

Yes I am materialistic - because these things colored my world when I am in my darkest moments, when nobody is around me to comfort me :)

Gainsborough Party

2009-01-25T10:48:00.004Z

Last night party was a blast! Though there is no Coca-Cola served, I did have fun! I hope Erin, Anita & Richard did have fun as much as I did :D

Though my team: Richardnizer was lost to Malteasers team, we all have no shame, WE DID OUR BEST. Richard was trying so hard to act Arizona for our bonus challenge for us. Oh well, that was a tough one :( I would like to thank you all of you who came for the PARTY. To the hostesses - thank you for having us & the food IS AWESOME! The Sheppard's Pie was A++++++++! You Go Am!

I woke up early again today *sigh* Do you want to know why? Because... I had a really bad dream! I dreamt of Malay ghosts all over the place haunting me. My heart beats so fast I almost choke myself just now. When I woke up, I was too scared to for toilet!!! Well I did now.

Tomorrow UNI will start and this is bullshit. I hate UNI and my time will be wasted just like that! However.... I have got a new determination, though I will not do it sincerely or willingly, I just need to do it before it is too late.

Will go on extreme fucked up diet
Will go jogging or do some home aerobics
targetting to lose another 5kg
Revise earlier and read more books
will not let the room to messy
Do laundry every weekend
Budgetting!

So far that's all I can think of for now... :D

Being random, I bought 3 charms for my bracelet which costs 3.50 pound each. BUT MUSE have 75% off for each and I only end up paying 0.85 pence each! What a BARGAIN! woot woot. Also, I am still recovering after losing a friend, just wonder sometimes people come and go so easily. To find someone to replace their place is impossible. I do not believe when you lose one friend you'll get more... I don't think I will ever meet more people who really accept the way I am & not judging in anyways. Insteaddo their best as a friend who do not tell lies and not 2-faced.

I might want to clean the whole house today before Erin and I wreck the whole place again.When UNI starts everything just turn upside down and inside out.

Off to my project runway now...

I wonder what Richard is doing now?
I wonder what my mom thinking of?
I wonder what my dad will do next?
I wonder if my youngest sister and brother is OK and happy?
I wonder what are all my friends doing now?
I wonder where I will end up?
I wonder if I ever....?

PS:People in Brunei, KB town - I miss you all!

25 things about me

2009-01-23T22:49:00.002Z

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

Here goes nothing:

I love purple
I am a phone freak
Bitchy
Sarcastic
straight forward, fuck beating around the bush
interrupt people while they're talking
Do not accept others opinions seemingly only
won't listen to whatever you have to say about me
shopaholic
big spender
spoiled
can cook & bake cake
Sony fan
to be a designer
to pass this freaking boring course, this is not marketing man
go visit friends around UK/ Europe
Holiday to many beautiful places
Screamo, Alternative, Punk, Rock music
Not a big fan of reading
can be fucking rude when necessary
swears a lot (lesser now though)
Liking Richard more :)
Miss home so much, especially mom nagging me!
to be someone else, better and good enough to be someone
junkie person

tagged:

I need to think of 25 names then, this is too much...

- before I go, I have so much doubts in life and with myself. I wonder if all these doubts are worth thinking or forgetting? what is thinking too much means to you? -

A housemaid please

2009-01-22T22:24:00.003Z

Hoorah~ Another new template that I adore from Pyzam. Though the pink sore my eyes badly, but the concept was beautifully executed. In seriousness, I DO need a housemaid right now, right here. Below is 1/3 of my room... I am not ashamed to show you how disastrous exam week I had been through. Hence a catastrophic evironemnt at the moment. Although I enjoy being lazy, this behavior is not accepted. As a reult, I had made up my mind on what I should do tomorrow morning:

Cleaning campaign the whole room
Wash all the dishes
Do my laundry
Sweep the floor
Return books to the library
Meet Erin & Anita in town
Go to Gainsborough girls
I think that's all for the moment
also, I NEED to GET a REAL life

If Kampong Ayer (Water Village in Brunei) is eye-soring, how about comparing it to my room. Any similarities? XD Though, somebody has to have an effort to start cleaning our beautiful water village before it is really contaminated and looks bad. This is one of Brunei Darussalam's valuable treaure, so please clean it!

Okay, before being productive in few hours... I will watch some episodes of my Project Runway Season 4. Good night UK, good morning Brunei Darussalam.

Decided

2009-01-22T18:08:00.003Z

"Look into my eyes, do you see anything in it? Can you tell if those thoughts of yours are right or true?"
"to be honest, I cannot even tell who I am anymore"
"I am scared to be alone. & I wish you don't have to go"
"Coz I can only be myself and stronger when you are around with me"
-I am decided-

Is it?

2009-01-21T21:38:00.002Z

Declaration of FREEDOM as in after 1030 hours today! Nope, I have not been sleeping since I got home. Been shopping for some stationery! I re-color my hair again & was hoping it to be as purple as I wanted it to be. BUT a very disappointing result, not the color that I expected. However, it is all right, at least it is not that messed up! Darker, that's how I like it :)

Apart from being silly with the hair -- I bought two books online and thought what the heck am I doing? Reading, Bebs? are you like SERIOUS? I don't know why but I feel like reading these 2 books! It is called "who writes this crap" and "this may help you understand the world better". Sigh. Surely, I can blame Richard and Erin, the closest people in my life who always I see reading book(s). Anywhere and every where. Come to think about it right, I remember my ex-employer said "Leader is a reader." Actually I agree with him. I noticed people who has lots of smart things to talk about is the who reads a lot. Amazing fact, believe it. Well it depends on what you read though. A playboy magazine might not really help you talk smart but perhaps if you are a good talker, than you are fucking safe man!

Just now, was trying to call and text so many people to just catch up with them after 2 weeks of being anti-social. Unfortunately none pick up or answer my call! Goodness gracious... Hope they are all doing all right and well.

Just few hours ago, I decided last minute to watch a movie with a friend. Since I got the Orange 2for1 ticket, why not after paying 35 pound a month for a OKAY phone :p A friend (finally) tagged along with me. We both watched My Bloody Valentine & thank you Empire Cinema for failing to fulfill the 3D experience. It is just a normal plastic 3D glass - PROVIDE IT! Geez! Watching movie in Newcastle is a bit expensive 6.80pound for non-student and a pound of for student. But with ORANGE!!!! I only pay 2.90pound Each person! how money SAVING is that!?

The movie rating is 6 out of 10~ I don't know why! I just feel like giving it a SIX. Maybe the UNBORN will get a 15/10 from me! Let's see. YES horror movie! Do not ask why I still have the gut to watch it when it makes me paranoid. Bet its the thrill of watching something fucking scary. (I know I should not swear, hey I am reducing it. Geting there yeah?)

(-_-) I think I am off to bed now. Since I have not been sleeping properly, brain a bit messed up! I am looking forward for weekend (^_^) Weekend = "Richard B. Nerd time together Day!" Work smart not hard. I know you are adjusting with the Sophie-less environment, you still have technology which connect people i.e. (Nokia slogan "connecting people"). & of course you got me who you can bore with all sort of things OR another option is I bore you with my silly conversation & have a debate about it.

NO! I GOTTA STOP BLOGGING FOR NOW. Eyes and body is yearning for a good warm rest. I will definitely talk to you again, everyone :)

Love,
Bebs Eda Hope xxxxxxx

Chapter: Tired

2009-01-20T16:52:00.002Z

December 2008 and January 2009 have not been that great to me. It almost crush me into bits and pieces. Well, I am on my feet again though. Thank God & thank you Lydia, Gainsborough girls & Richard B. Was not too long since my last post. Today is a bit of a relieve actually, exam was not that tough. I love Stuart's examination, he is class. His lectures a bit too long and boring, but all and all, you are the BEST!

Managerial Economics, Human Resource Management and Consumer behaviour exams have a bigger chances I might Fail (Nauzubillah~). Therefore, only short summer Break in Brunei for me! Great, if this is going to happen! Interview will be tomorrow, then I can sleep peacefully like before and can have more parties, movie nights and the time for My Buckley.

To be honest I am quite sad to know that my placement hours have been accomplished. Sadly will not see the kids for quiet a long time now... :( I am happy though, so I don't have to wake up so freaking early just to get there. My supervisor, he is cool, he does not mind really. He is a star! thank you for everything, if you happen to read this :)

Well, well, well - the point is I DO NOT have ANYTHING TO READ till MARCH! I have couple of agenda/plans for this February though I HATE February to bit! & I also hate it because it only has 28 days in it! WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE IT SHORTER?

I am off to have some nice warm rest before heading out again... for Coffee or TV time with my one and only DARLING (you know who you are baby :p ).

laters... PS: yes this is how tired I look!!!!!

I am doing fine

2009-01-18T21:28:00.002Z

It might not be the end for me
there are possibilities that I will fall hard this time
Sometimes, luck is not always with you
I realized someone or more of you are always here for me
I cried again
I broke down
Spiritually, I think I am doing fine
Better. Stronger. A fighter.
In any case I failed to fulfilled your mighty expectations,
forgive me for not being perfect
coz
insisted to JUST be myself - in the end
3 more days & things will be the same again

A little break doesn't cause any harm

2009-01-17T21:52:00.007Z

To my dearest Ly, hey I did my revision - and still doing it!

Ladies and gentlemen, here I am again going to rant about my dull life. Exams have not been good to me, with all the sad news I keep on getting. I am pretty much bumped! Al-fatihah to one's of my friend's dad who just recently passed away. Also don't stop praying to those who has left us for good. I hope they will be in a better place till whenever.

Yesterday, I was too bored, and my stupid brain decided to start cutting my hair myself. I was annoyed with my long hair. Seng left his trimming scissor -- that makes my life easier! I spent almost an hour cropping my hair short. The result is not that bad though, I think I look all right. Still hot as usual, though I go bald :p

Here is the before and after picture:

Before | London tube with angels

Sexy me | Self-cut hair |

If some people still insist I look better with long hair, oh please stop it. Know why, let me show you my passport picture with my freaking long hair. You either laugh or fainted! To be honest, I am born for short hair & guess who looks good with short hair. I know many people might not like her - but I LOVE her to death especially her hair and body (too skinny but oh well, I am a fan. Not too skinny X( )

People, spoil me with voucher or gift card for my make-over
My hair need to be spoiled and pampered
Oh Posh, I adore your hair so freaking much!
& how I wish to have your sexy butt!
Howt~

off to revision land now, sadly I don't think I can have a good sleep in my Buckley Land tonight. Another sleepless night for me eh? Soon it is over. Before I end my boring conversation here: What do you think of goodbyes? - I definitely hate it!

PS: Hope I have been searching for you, trust me you are beyond my reach. Why do you have to disappear far too long? You know I need you now, I really cannot live seconds of my life without you. Hope, please come back. I promise I will appreciate you more. I am sorry I have been selfish and too self-centred. I be a better person if you come back to me.

Addictions

2009-01-14T19:40:00.003Z

Taking a quick break from shaking HRM theoriess into my head

my current addictions:

my favorite song from this band is SHAKE IT!

My favorite is Grape and Apple flavor

Designing some of my collections
(still not good at it... I am learning hard)

Last but not least - of course I sound a bit perve saying this....
I am addicted to his after-smoking smell (and that does not mean I am encouraging you to smoke more), funny looks and kissing his forehead wrinkles!!!! Look at it. Sorry love, but that's make you special, aite? x

Off to my Revision land - where all the magical and fun does not exist!

Who am I?

2009-01-12T19:23:00.003Z

- let me know if you can find me again -

To Datin

2009-01-12T10:25:00.002Z

Hi Datin !!!

How are you doing? I am sorry I have not call you for a while. Currently I kapih tahap hantap (nya orang Brunei).

Thank you for the support! I sort of need it. I really hope I will pass my eco and everything else, so I can go back Brunei peacefully with no worries!!!!!! Talk to you soon darling!!!

I LOVE YOU LOTS! Wish kamu semua ada di sini - it would be more fun....

Richard B. I want to be.....

2009-01-11T19:01:00.005Z

|Richard B. & Bebs Eda MJ|
|@ Tynemouth beach, Newcastle upon Tyne, 11th Jan 09|

your sunshine
your sparkling stars
your hero
your smile :)
your joy
your last first kiss
your close friend
your best friend
someone who you can count on
someone who you can trust
someone special
able to stay in this moment always,
because it made me happy
What am I going to do without you?
.everything will be different.

ready or not here it comes...

2009-01-11T12:13:00.002Z

Yes, my exams start next week and I am not even fully prepared. Oh well, today I decided to do my best to do the revision...

Yesterday was fun & will upload some pictures here...

I amdesperate for Starbucking now!!! Is there anybody wants to tag along with me eh?

Walking to my home sweet home soon :)

one step at a time

2009-01-07T18:53:00.002Z

... I may not be able to step neither forward or backward now. Everything seems to be falling apart again. I don't belive in myself anymore. It seems to me, nothing I did is right. I wish I can stop the time and restart again ...
.........
....................
................................
............................................
Falling
Crawling
Screaming
Crying
Laughing
Disappointed
Upset
Devastated
Lonely

who ever knows how you really feel inside?
- you are my everything -

Excited & Happy

2009-01-05T03:12:00.002Z

Can't say anything much...
I am just excited and nervous at the same time
I do not know why...
See you soon my best friend, best nerdy man
It was not too long, but it seems ages not seeing you...
Everything seems to be fine now...
I think I deserve a second chance to prove you
that I can be better now.
Thank you for tonight everybody.
PS: I want to be less annoying, this year! and I also got a very special resolution for myself
It will be safe with me & time will tell :)

<3 Bebs Eda MJ

Call M I R A C L E

2009-01-04T14:46:00.002Z

| I miss you both |

Erin's parents and siblings just left few hours ago. Now,everything is back to Normal...University starts tomorrow. To be honest, I am not even close to finish revising all of my notes for January exam. My interview answers are not yet prepared too. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Everything just don't feel right at the moment -- maybe I did give up again. Great!

Sigh. I really want to run away somewhere where I can everything from the beginning. You know like being re-born in somewhere better & different. Guess, I am tired of re-living the same old life, where people have a very expectations on you. We all have limits & I think I had reached mine. I got bored with what I do now. Just think I should start do something new by now.

(being random) I miss... my youngest brother. His jokes. His sarcasm, advices, accompany, he is great! I think he is like a best friend to me. After what happened between my eldest brother and me, everything has changed, I miss him too, the old him. I envy my youngest sister who is now quite happy and ease with her life now. She got a job and a boyfriend who really loves her. At least, for now she is on her own. I am proud of her. wish I can do things like her. I should stop living in my own world, my creations. Nice or pleasant is not something that always happen.

(looking at piles of books and useless notes of mine)I better move on and do more reading. I want a good summer with no resits, good holidays without worries or revision. I am planing to go to either Brisbane, Bali, France, Thailand or Italy this Summer. How much is to Hawaii? or Japan?... Not sure who I am going with, surely I need one of those holidays, nice 5 star hotels & mouth-watering food.

OK lets get Economized! (-_-")

my random 2008 memoirs

2009-01-02T22:25:00.008Z

Beb & Richard B. @ Monument Mall, Newcastle upon Tyne
While waiting for Lydia and Enong Shopping
My last 2008 with him
| I miss you so much |

Beb | Lydia | Enong
Their last day in Newcastle upon Tyne
I had a very good 2 nights 3 days with you
I love you both so so so much
x

Beb, Amie & Zyra | New Year's Eve Celebration @ Bob's

Far, Zyra, Amie and me

Me with my "plum" hair (Might re-dye it!)

Beb, Manya & Dex @ Metrocentre | Boxing Day | While waiting in a long Q

Dex and I pimping @ H & M, Metrocentre

Fury orange "hat" , me and Dex, H & M, Metrocentre

Beb with golden brown hair & Dex being VAIN at H & M, Metrocentre

This is me, my life and I am proud of it

Goodbye forever, my 2008

2009-01-01T21:37:00.002Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY
may all your 2008 wishes and dreams did come true
&
I am wishing all of your new year resolutions will make your 2009 more interesting
Welcome 2009 - Thank you for the new year party at Brighton Grove last night
It was totally awesome and fun
I love Singstar~

He loves you more

2008-12-27T19:37:00.005Z

Today you have gone to a better place, no pain anymore. I will miss your warm smile, your advices, your kindness, your support and trust. I am sorry I cannot be there for your last few days. I really wish I can be there for your day tomorrow, but I can't afford that. I really want to say thank you for being such a great TWIN to me. Though you never hurt my feelings in anyways, I forgive you and everything is halal. May you rest in peace. Made, I am so sad coz I don't even remember how you look before and now. You must always look good right? Trendy and fashionable. I LOVE you, Made. WE all love you. My prayers are always with you. Goodbye now and hope to see you soon, love.

: 625pm : 27th December 2008:
best twin ever has left

2008-12-25T10:34:00.002Z

me & Dex getting fat for Xmas eve. im coming back to Fenham tomorrow. miss my comfy bed!!! & miss my cornish man too. guess what? think Rich got us tix to watch Cirque du soleil, March 09. yay!

Lydia Enong And I

2008-12-23T12:59:00.003Z

I just got home sending them to the central station. Now I am safe home, all by myself again, exhausted. I had a great time with both of them. They are awesome always. I just hope they were not tired listening to my shite. LOL.

Anyways, I am off to bed now to get some sleep. My eyes are yearning for rest! Will blog and upload some of the pictures here, the rest is on Facebook... :)

(^_^) Thanks for all the gifts and I got one to open not till Xmas. I am excited!!! 2 more days to go. Oh yes, I will upload the Xmas gifts I got from my BELOVED friends~ You all are so sweet & I hope you like my gift for you all too.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
&
a HAPPY NEW YEAR

to everybody who is celebrating it & I hope most or all of your wish list is crossed x

Advance birthday gift next year please

2008-12-19T22:38:00.002Z

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL

Click the link above
Get them before it is sold out
Do not forget to get me one too!!!

all by myself

2008-12-15T18:18:00.002Z

on this holiday. I did have a great weekend last week. Somehow all these happiness has to end up with sadness and me being lonely. Seeing Erin went to the departure hall yesterday makes me feel so sad. :( We had our last coffee for this year at NCL airport.

I have been in my room since I woke up this morning. No one I can hang out with. Everybody is busy with their thing or just forgot about me. Whatever. I am going to see Lydia and Enong soon. On next Tue will go to Dex for Xbox session!!! LOL.

God what am I suppose to do now? I am all by myself!!! Feel like going out to get some food, but I am so so so lazy. Gosh~How I wish I am back home now and enjoy my Coco latte or Coffee and cookies!

Annoyed with this typicalness

2008-12-13T14:22:00.002Z

In the Library waiting for the rest to come down to the monument. This ain't cool coz this is not even my plan and I have to wait. It is always me who get the short notice. Beside I really don't feel happy to let someone wait for me when I planned it. I think this sort of attitude needs to be changed quickly. If you think you cannot do it earlier, I don't mind later. Never let anyone wait for you for an HOUR, when it is suppose to be at 2pm not 3pm. Unless you have a better reason for me not to be pissed off about this!

I do not want to brag about this way too long, it is a big deal. Think it is best not to lose my cool for today. I got other things that can cheer me up. Thank goodness... Better grab something to eat now before these people come. I swear they better make this good (-_-)

X-factor

2008-12-13T12:00:00.004Z

LOL -- Em (Richard's friend from Notts) and I made pom - pom for X-factor tonight! WE are so cheering tonight. It'll be awesome just like the Panto night on Wednesday!

I had good nights so far after I successfully finished all of my assignments.

My consumer behaviour review is marked 55% -- I am not impress but a 2 days work which I should start 2 months earlier, I think I can do better if I just started earlier. Sue (the lecturer) thought I will get 45% initially! Damn! It was actually 59% but I got penalized for not referencing correctly and not introduction! 4% is gone! But whatever! I am happy I passed.

Lina and the family is now on the air flying back to Brunei Darussalam. I am going to miss you lot! You had made my stay here in England not so bad. I will miss your ayam goreng, kerang, corned beef and most of all your NESCAFE! Love you all! x

Dear you

2008-12-11T01:30:00.002Z

I might not be the best person in your life -- but I know one thing for sure, I am sad to know you are leaving sooner than I thought. What am I going to do without you? Wish I have all of your time just for me :). (I know you got a job & other people in your life, Yes I am possessive)

I am speechless when I got so many things I wanted to tell you. Guess it is tough when you want to put in words. Trust me, I will get it out sooner or later so you know what's in my head. You have been awesome to me, though sometimes there are moments for us! Just glad at least you are not typical selfish bastard :p Sometimes, there are times you need to put yourself first before anyone else :)

(-_-) Christmas eve~ You won't be here! :( Regardless of that, still I hope you will have good times with your family, especially your Grandma!

Rich, I wish you don't have to go. So I can know you better. I am sure everything happens for a reason. Actually, I just want to tell you: "Thank you for having me."

PS: thanks for the great night. The panto? was quiet good. I enjoyed my first experience in royal theater! The night out too! Its fun to hang out with "adults" -- it is different! I feel too young for it. All and all, thanks. thank you for everything x

before off to uni

2008-12-10T09:48:00.004Z

was on Facebook & did this your dark side quiz... and my result is.... I think I agree with the results...

Also, something interesting I found few week ago. Love this picture! Anyone agree with this STATEMENT? I think I do. LOL.

(^_^)
Have a good day everyone
coz
I will have a good boring day
but
I am happy

Love kamu semua x

Ahh... another boring attacks!

2008-12-10T01:52:00.003Z

How many keys are on your keychain? 4

What curse word do you use the most? Fuck

Do you own an iPod? Nope

What time is your alarm clock set for? 10am

How many suitcases do you own? 1 - trust me!

Do you wear flip–flops even when it's cold outside? you insane?

Where do you buy your groceries from? Morrisons, Sainsburys, Waitrose, Grainger market

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Be in the picture

What was the last movie you watched? Death becomes her

Do any of your friends have children? Yes

If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you would buy?

Has anyone ever called you lazy? Definitely - my middle name maybe

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yes, my allergic pills, 3 will do

What CD is currently in your CD player? No CD player

Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Regular

Has anyone told you a secret this week? Yes

When was the last time someone hit on you? Trip to Edinburgh - Chinese girl slapped me on the head with her jacket while she is trying to put it on!

What did you have for dinner? BBQ chicken burger and franks, egg with cheese and baked beans

Do you wear hoodies often? At this weather in Newcastle -- YES!

Can you whistle? Yes

Have you ever participated in a protest? Nope, just petition once!

Who was the last person to call you? Jimmy

What is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Merry-go-round, bumper car pr maybe roller-coaster. Wait water log?

Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Definitely!

What area code are you in right now? NE4

Did you watch cartoons as a child? Yes

How big is your local mall? Not my local mall but they are all right!

How many siblings do you have? 6 of us, I am the fourth

Are you shy around the opposite sex? you kidding, me?

What is your biggest regret? Fail my O level super badly

When was the last time you laughed so hard your sides hurt? When Richard tickles and told me stupid jokes just now!

What movie do you know every line to? None I think. Wait? Er? White Chicks maybe

Do you own any band t–shirts? Yes Bullets for my Valentine

When was your last plane ride? Brunei in September 08

How many chairs are at your dining room table? 3 Chairs!

Do you read for fun? Nah, not really.

Can you speak any languages other than English? Malay, Mandarin, Japanese

Do you do your own dishes? While I am on UK

What color is your bedroom painted? Ugly greyish purple

Have you ever cried in public? Yes, got lost in the city trying to find where the heck the uni was

Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? Laptop only

Which do you make, wishes or plans? Both. Most likely wishes.

Are you always trying to learn new things? Yes!

Do you shower on a daily basis? Yes!

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yes, Both!

Do you believe that the guy should pay on the first date? No but it will be nice of him to be a gentlemen on the first date!

Can you skip rocks? What's this??

Have you ever been to Jamaica? Nope! I want to!

What to snack on at the movie theaters? Pop-corn or chocolates

Who was your favorite teacher? Not sure.

Have you ever dated someone out of your race? Currently and previously too

What is the weather like? Cold and freezing!

Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? not too much tattoos I would consider it!

Do you have an online journal? Just blog, does it count?

What was your favourite class in high school? Sociology, Business studies

Do you enjoy traveling via airplanes? Nope

What personality trait is a must–have in your preferred gender? Funny!

Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive? Most of the time I think. maybe not unattractive, just someone with the look BUT not UGLEH

When was the last time you slept on the floor? Last week

What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Don't Drink

Does your closest Starbucks have a drive–thru? Nope

Do you like your living arrangement? Guess so

What is your mother's hometown? Kuching, Sarawak

How many hours of sleep do you need to function? Whole day?

Do you eat breakfast daily? Nope

What was the last thing to scare you? Failed my economics

Are your days full and fast–paced? Unfortunately YES

Did you ever get in trouble for talking in class? Nope, I am good

What is your favourite fruit? Grapes

Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? Nope!

How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 22

Are you picky about spelling and grammar? Nah~

Do you believe in life on other planets? YEP

Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nope

Who was the last person to piss you off? Erin

Do you believe that God has a gender? Not sure

What was the last thing you ate? Dinner?

Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? the opposite

What did you dress up as for your first Halloween? A Pirate

How did your parents pick your name? complicated story

Do you like mustard? NOPE, never

What do you tell yourself when times get hard? It happens, shit! Think positive!

Would you ever sky dive? Yes please

Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? My side

What character from a movie most reminds you of yourself? I don't know

Have you ever bid for something on ebay? Yes -- I lost

What do you think of Angelina Jolie being pregnant? whatever.

Do you enjoy giving hugs? to Richard yes, and also to people who needs it

Would you consider yourself to be fashionable? If I got the money -- I am!

Do you own a digital camera? Nope

If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel?
Maybe awkward and weird

What celebrities have you been compared to? Sammi Cheng or Eva longoria

Who is your favorite Star Wars character? none i preferred

Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
Definitely LIARS

What books, if any, have made you cry? none

Do you think you're attractive?
Of course!

What are you allergic to? Pollen, Seafood, Dust

Are you a jealous person? Very!

What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? -- if your pissed maybe. I don't think so unless your an addict or whore

Do you ever feel guilty after eating meat? Not at' all

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your name have been? Hmm tough ones - Maybe Lucas or Kieran! or Atta!

Tag Tag Tag

2008-12-10T01:44:00.002Z

1. If you could have a super power, what would it be? being invisible! So I can check people's out. Especially hot guys~ :p

2. When writing/blogging, do you ever use a thesaurus? Yes sometimes, to broaden this rusty vocabulary of mine

3. Who do you talk to when you really need advice/counsel? Lydia, Richard, Family, Friends, close friends, personal tutor

4. What's the longest you've ever waited in line to see a concert/movie/get into a restaurant? And, was it worth the wait? Let me think. Nandos perhaps, and it is WORTH it.

5. What is the longest you've ever gone without sleep? 18 hours of not sleeping

6. Has anything ever happened to you for which you have no explanation? Lost contact with couple of friends for some weird reasons

7. Name five songs you've sung at a karaoke bar. Since you've been gone, Lifestyle of the rich and famous, Pudar, 2 become 1 and turn back the time

Declaration of FREEDOM

2008-12-10T00:36:00.003Z

... from assignments! My God, I am relieved! ...

Guess what everybody~ I attended all the lectures today. Had Caramel Hot Chocolate with Anita (moi teddy beer), had girl's talk. It was fun. For the mo, we actually had a very bad sugar rush, head was spinning really badly!

No more assignments for this semester, apart from my 3rd CBA exam which is due 9th Jan I think! Long time to go... Will practice to get a better marks than the last 2!

Though holidays will be a bit lonely this month as there is no Seng, Erin, Gaelle or Richard! OMG!!!!!! But I think it is all good -- So I can revise better... and really want to score good for my exams. ahhhh.... I am more relaxed now. Cannot wait for me best friends to come over. Zati how could you not spend 3 days with me here? :((

Anyways, off to bed after celebrating this glorious night! Off to Buckley's dreamland now...

Comment for the day: "Watched Eastenders with Richard just now. Trust me, I hate that soap dramas. Very bad script. Keep on repeating the same line again and again. Obviously, he is a peodophile yeah?! However, it was not that all bad after all coz get to spend time with Richard for a while... Rich, if you are reading this -- I dont want to think about what we talked about just now. Makes my stomach sick! :s"

X Love you X

Bebs

*Still with Kings of Leon - Sex on fire, stored in my head currently.... Your sex is on fire (sing)

Random thoughts

2008-12-08T23:51:00.003Z

15 things I like about you:

Your smile
Your smell after you smoke
Your funny walk
Your look when I tickle you
Your eyes
Your hugs
Your kiss
Your wrinkles on the forehead :p
Your smooth fluffy hair
Whole of you
Your jokes
Our jokes
Your attention
Your thoughts
Your willingness

Off to my Buckley's dreamland now
Thank you for the Toffee Crisp
Thank you for visiting me
Thank you for your time
Thank you for being with me
You made my evening special :)
Love, Bebs x

PS: Sorry I stole one of your hot pictures to be put in me blog without your permission. I love that picture so much... Sorry! :(

OH my god -- last days already?

2008-12-08T14:06:00.011Z

Had fun in London with the family. Unfortunately that would be the last time I am going to be with them in London. My bro-in-law is finishing his studies this week. Not going to see me family in 6 months. Very long, I hope I can hold on this long not feeling so freaking lonely. December is always the saddest month for me -- always alone and counting the days the closest people in my life will leave me! :( Definitely will miss all of you!

Sigh -- I am going to bed again while waiting for Richard to visit me with Toffee Crisp.! I cannot do so much today as this cold is really annoying. My nose hurt so bad now! Ouch! All of these pictures make me want to cry :( What am I going to do without you all!? Who am I going to call when I need someone to talk to? When I need help and motivation? Gossiping?

Whatever it is -- my weekend was awesome and packed! Tiring BUT coolsome! My journey back to Newcastle was boring and annoying! With the delays and waiting at the cold concourse! Now I got the COLD! Need to get up later though to do my assignment. Few days left before deadline! Revision needs to be done soon! Preparation for my interview too! OMG! I am freaking pack this week and no holidays for me! :(

Listening to Kings of Leon on Imeem.com so I can fall asleep and have a good rest now.

Love, Bebs!

I miss you so...

2008-12-06T23:33:00.004Z

much Newcastle~ My house, my warm messy room. With the distinct smell of Bebs... Yay! Will be back to Newcastle tomorrow night. Arriving quite late tomorrow & how I wish Seng is here. Coz he will pick me up at the station and call a taxi for me, ask how is my "mini holiday", tuck me to sleep and read me bedtime story. I miss you Seng. I really do.

... My laptop backspace key is really freaking silly. I might have to change it! ... Anyways, will not be whiny about my stupid keyboard now. I will share TONS of pictures for me trip!!!! FUN.

I will miss all Peraman's family

Thank you for everything

You made my day special

Nothing more I can say but

Thank you from the bottom of my heart

making my last few days with you all

- S P E C I A L -

love, Bebs x

PS: OH MY GOD! I AM VERY HAPPY DI~A~NA~ WAS ELIMINATED FROM X-FACTOR. I can queak better than you missy~ :p