Certainly stupid

I am mad with myself right now. To be honest I have not been a good student since last 2 weeks. No one influence me or hang out with the wrong crowd. I guess I am just happy not doing it. However, not turning up for lectures mean I am irresponsibble. It also means I broke my promises to study smart & hard to the contract. I am not that kind of person who does not mean her words. I feel so awful right now thinking how much I have lost in lectures, my time too. How the hell am I going to make this up? I definitely should stop acting stupid and weird with people too. There is one thing I cannot pretend though -- I feel lonely. I fell for him though I said to myself I shoudn't. It is something I cannot lie or hide. I wish I could, but I am too honest to hide this. Whatever you may think about me -- I don't care because this is me. I am glad that I told you, the rest is up to time and you.

This week, I will go wild and crazy before the "real" school starts for me. This will be the last time I become a fool to myself. If I really want to beat all the smart asses in the Uni -- I need to start and fight a lot starting next week. I struggled enough with life here in UK. Do not want to make it worst. Like I said -- I deserve better than this.

Wow -- it was icy raining back in Newcastle just few hours ago. Guess it responds to me that I feel brighter now -- sun! Awesome.

Cannot wait to go to Edinburgh and unwind myself... And hopefully I can also go for Finch Concert too. Thanks again Rich for walking me home -- never say I am not grateful you are walking me home. I think that's one of the best short moment with you. xx

I just don't want to be too slow
too fast and furious
but I have no idea how you define --
"ooh, that's the right time?"
I always thought today...
is my last day
& worth doing and fighting hard
(=

Bebs Eda xx