far away

"sleepless nights hearing neighbours astupidly arguing about some shite. back aches as if I fall down so hard on my back. Head hurts thinking about nothing. Eyes are too heavy to open yet wide awake. Body and soul are exhausted to fulfill a demanding day. Heart seems to be burst out because it beats too fast. Friends I trusted and love the most seems to be far away and walking away from me. New friends -- do not mean they are the same. Smiley faces of mine, doesn't mean I am happy. These feelings are not helping me to keep on going. I am not scared to be alone, but I am sad being lonely. You might not understand my fears. RIght now, I just want my less comfortable big bed to let me sleep without waking up in between. Later on is another day for me. Many of my days are shite but there are moments that cheer me up, STILL feeling far away ... & Lost xx"