Quitting

(SIGH) it's 15th February 2009
11.00pm at my room all by myself
Newcastle upon Tyne, UK

Dear everyone who bothers reading about my EVERYDAY life rants and whining,
Officially I do not want to think too much today, somehow... I cannot get everything around my head. It hurts like hell. I sort of thinking to cancel all of the social networking accounts. As well as this stupid blog of mine! Who cares reading my everyday crap? To be honest - it does makes me feel good writing/typing things here. Great, now I sound so freaking lonely. Actually I am eventually.Oh god, it is really hard for me, really. Making the right decisions -- how the hell am I suppose to know if I did make a right decisions? I did so much wrongs in my life already & I really hope people stop saying "do not do it then". If you people know, how much this soul has been screaming for freedom, you would at least appreciate your life more than mine.

I never LIKE being all dark and all. However, I do see the pleasure of being dark. It hurts so bad, that you forgot why it happens. In the end, you will have a stupid laughs about it. because you sort of regretted that you ever slit or cut your wrists, for example. Or you might regret when you knew your blood is so drained, it hurts like hell & you wish you have never done that. That's life, we live in a very extreme cold heartless society. We do not even realise that some people just don't need us! For me, personally... being all dark is because of me feeling insecure with lots of things in my life. I forget how painful it is to be a human. Being dark makes me feel all the possible nasty little bitch REALITY. Some people said it is not as harsh as I thought. Oh hello, look around you, how many people leave me for good? Or just call me when they need me (when aren't closed anymore)? The most bitchy thing in life is: Goodbyes. It always makes my world crumbles into pieces... the felings is beyond hurting and painful. I already had too many goodbyes for the past few months of my life. Not looking forward for another one.

I am blabbering some shite. Know what? Actually I am just pussy enough to go on with my life. Seriously, I do not have all the stupid strength to really push me. My dream is sort of crushed all over again and again and again. Who ever says it's easy to have dream? especially not the crushed dreams. (having cookies now). I really want to know, if I could turn the table around - how this life would be...

I am going to continue tomorrow. Early start tomorrow... Hate it. Though out of my own interest. I really do wonder what I love to do? Who I love? Ahh this is so confusing. Guess after all the stressing and bitching is over - I might re-think whatever I have said. Oh Bed please me... Sometimes, the tears are my lullaby. :)