Day 2

I survived.

You know what? Some people say I am way too nice with people that I really love most. Although, they treat me badly or unfairly -- I still treat them well. (Unless that person hurt my feelings and disrespect with my decisions, I could not care less with these sort of people.) Do you know why? I just thought, if I do more good things, or make people around me happier, it might come back to me. Well so far I have done so much and I did not even bitch about not getting any back in return. Just that, there is something I would like to have and own right now though... to be loved, cared for and feel important. I have been looking and searching for this for so long. No, I have not got this yet. Because of this, I am always reconsidering to just give up my life for not having it yet. Maybe I should be more nastier, or meaner. I don't know really. If there is one person in this one whole world can make me feel whole again -- please come forward. This soul of mine is craving for attention, love, emotions, understanding, full of life, adventure -- I don't care if you are near or far. Nothing will stop us from uniting together. I do anything for this. Although, I can only feel these special feelings for 30 minutes of my life, it is more than enough. I can relive all the feelings everyday and every seconds of my life. It will make me smile, keep going and maybe make this lifeless life of mine -- worthwhile.

I have no reasons to share this with you all. But, I have long wanted to feel the tingles in my tummy, butterflies in my stomach and all sort of weird feelings. It has been a while I have not feel this way. Too long till I can't remember when is the last time I really smile like I mean it :)

Tomorrow is another day and though people around me (far or near) may not notice I exist, or if they do notice but... neglecting me or not neglecting but couldn't care less -- I got to move on, it hurts, the whole body is screaming, my head is exploding. In the end, it might or might not worth it, only god knows.

PS: I just wish someone out there, I know you are out there -- to show me how to live again, don't come too late, I may not make it till the next day :)