Taking over me

Overwhelmed with all the things that's happening currently to me. All I hope right now, everything will turn good. Surrounded with all these mix feelings, it hurts, its good, its shitty and everything else. I always thought I am in a mess, but I might have my second thought on this.

Yes, I risk my future being here in the UK, what's "fun" without all the risks? Just a bit confused with all the unpredictable that happened to me. Some are good and some are bad. I know to some people, I am not that good enough. However, in my little world of darkness -- I'm good enough for being me. Somehow, I think I forgot how to act or behave in this real world. My world, it's always been fantasies, good happy things, no one is lonely, no one is harsh, fairies and miracles. Someone snapped me back to reality. I fell so hard on my wings, now it is broken. There is no way to fix it. I am far away from my world now. It has been couple of years, I been in this real world. There is nothing I like about it -- most are lies, a joke and acts.

I really wish this "real" life will end soon... I don't think I can bare to see any more of sweet sacrifices. I rather see the true real world. The pure pain, tortures, happiness, joy and punishments. At least it is fair to everybody (hopefully). Back to the question -- Am I the mess or the world is?

There is another thing I would like to know: any of you want to be immortal?

I think that's all from me now... I don't think I can hold back these feelings anymore. It has been such a roller coaster ride in my life. All the mistakes in my life, blacken my soul. It haunts me always. Know why? Because people only see the wrongs that we all made, never the good little things. Why bother?

[This life has taking over me]